Do you ever get tired of doing the right thing? or being the good person?
I sometimes get tired/fed up on it.
Probably because I want to hate on someone or confront someone, and I’m reminded how much God loves me, and how little I love others…..
Psalms 105 and 106 are similar… in my opinion, where they recount God’s goodness and faithfulness, despite Israel’s disobedience.
In Adult Sunday school, we’re also talking about Joshua and Judges, and how the Israelites start disobeying, at first just a little bit, but that sows the seed of sin, and then eventually it gets so bad, that the people can’t even recognize God when God comes to them… because they are so far from Him.
In the college group that I advise, we’re on Acts, on the chapter of Stephen, and him being stoned to death. Stephen, in the chapter, also recounts history, and shows them how they and their forefathers always resist the Holy Spirit and kill the ones that God sends.
It’s really weird… I wonder why I’m reading about all the same thing in 3 different places…
Do I resist the Holy Spirit sometimes? Do I do as I please?
I think I do… sometimes I know I should be nice and loving and gracious, but to protect my dignity or my identity, I won’t.
Recently, our women’s small group is learning about being detached, detached from everything, and being attached only to God. It says that no matter what is being threatened, our identity, security, addictions, that we’re able to say, “For the love of Jesus, I will let go.”
I think I struggle with letting go. I can’t, no… more importantly… I won’t. I refuse to let go because I think that I’ve been offended and that I’ve somehow been threatened. And I want to fight back, defend myself, set the other person straight.
I want JUSTICE.
But I want it my way, not God’s way. I’m unwilling to let go of my power and my agenda of getting justice, and letting God. I’m unwilling to let go.
I think this is a reminder that I need to obey God, from the very beginning, and from the smallest parts in my life, so that seeds of disobedience and sin are not sowed into my life, and later become a snare to me.
I also need to stop resisting the Holy Spirit and be willing to think of God and all the Jesus is, and be willing to let go. Even if that means letting someone else lead, even if that means letting someone else win, even if that means taking the hit… unjustly.
But it’s hard, so hard, because that requires me to put myself down. Even when I think I’m right (or even when I really am right), I need to hold my tongue.
An image that has helped me greatly when I was a teenager, but now I’ve forgotten, is the image how Jesus stood before trial, and not responding a single word when false accusations and venom were spit at him. Though he, the Son of God, was at no fault, and could kill them all at once, he made no response.