Post-Holiday Breakups – what is it with the Holidays?!

Seems like more than just a few of my friends are going through break ups right after the holiday season. And while I’m not surprised by the disintegration of the shorter termed relationships (6 weeks, 3 months), I am surprised by the longer termed relationships (3+ years).

What is it about the holidays that cause relationships to dissolve? Post-holiday depression? Failed trial run with families?

Two factors may increase the likelihood of break ups to occur right after the holidays. The first being Proximity with Family. Holidays (especially year-end holidays) are often when people spend quality time with families in close quarters. And if you’re in a serious relationship, you’re most likely going to spend some or all of the holidays with each other’s families. So perhaps by spending extended time with one another’s families suddenly shines the spotlight how you don’t actually get a long that well with the potential in-laws, or how you simply don’t fit in with their family’s crazy styles or traditions. Whatever reason, spending long periods of time with your significant other’s family may either highlight how well you fit in… or the exact opposite. And with New Year’s right around the corner, there can also be some re-evaluation of life and relationships, trying to re-center ourselves, prioritize the people and things in our lives and figuring out where our life is headed next.

The second factor may be the “no break-up time frame”. For optimal break-up timing, there seems to be an unspoken rule to avoid the holidays. But that doesn’t just mean “Don’t break up on Thanksgiving or Christmas or New Year’s Day” – there seems to be some buffer time that encases these holidays. Some say that the start time of the “no break-up time” is November 1st. Why so early? Because that is usually the beginning of Thanksgiving holiday plans with the family.

So what about after Thanksgiving but before Christmas? Apparently, that is also a no-go. Time between Thanksgiving and Christmas ranges between 3 to 4 weeks, and usually the time in between the two holidays are also hyped with “seasonal greetings” and “festive cheer”. In addition, no one wants to be the reason for ruining their significant other’s Christmas holiday.

And what about the time between Christmas to New Years? Now we all know that it’s only a 1 week opening, and once again, half of the American families are still on holiday / break and trying out their new Christmas gifts… so one can’t exactly break up right after Christmas, because we are still in the midst of celebrating the holidays. In addition, who wants to potentially ruin the upcoming New Year’s Eve party (who wants to be crying over champagne while counting down)?

Now how long does the no-break-up timeframe extend to after New Year’s? For good measure, perhaps 1-2 weeks. But beware, because you can’t wait too long, because the next landmine that awaits is VALENTINE’S DAY that is quickly approaching on Feb 14th. So if you’re looking to break up with someone, you’ve been benched since November 1st, till say Jan 5-10th. And, to make matters worse, you have a deadline quickly approaching, which is to do it early enough to not be a jerk and “break up right before Valentine’s Day”. So you have break up after beginning of January but complete the goal before the end of January. So we’re looking at a no-break-up time frame of Nov 1 thru Jan 10th, and a safe break-up time frame between Jan 11th thru Jan 31st.

If all 365 days have equal probability of breaking up, and that for about 70 days surrounding the year-end holidays (before Thanksgiving to after New Years) there is a no-breakup time frame, and in addition, add a deadline of the fast approaching Valentine’s Day, then perhaps it is not so strange that so many couple break up post-holidays. And that it’s not an anomaly or anything that the holidays caused… But perhaps the relationship would have been broken off earlier, had it not been for the holidays. But due to the “holidays” (aka 70 no-breakup zone), break ups that were about to happen were delayed and accumulated to happen all at once AFTER the holidays (more accurately, 1-2 weeks after New Years). So perhaps it feels more frequent than usual… due to all the delayed break ups building up over the holidays.

Schematic of break up buildups from Nov and Dec and beginning of Jan, all happening at mid-end of January, to avoid Feb (Valentine's Day)

Schematic of break up buildups from Nov and Dec and beginning of Jan, all happening at mid-end of January, to avoid Feb (Valentine’s Day)

So the question remains – while some significant others will honor the “no break up” time frame, is that something you would want? Would you want your significant other to delay the break up till after the multi-holiday season to call it quits? Or would you rather they be upfront with you and discuss the break up with you as soon as they made up their minds, regardless of holiday seasons and vacation plans?

And if you were the one breaking up, would you honor the 70-day no break up time frame, due to all the holidays? Because you don’t want to ruin their holiday cheer with ugly news. Or would you break up when the time comes, no matter if it’s in between the holidays, because you’d rather be honest and upfront about the relationship, rather than keeping up the front of “pretending” to be together, but your heart has already moved on?

Now we said two potential factors upfront, but could there be a third factor to why break ups are more frequent in the beginning of the year – January? Could it be that people meet new people over NYE parties? Now that’s for another post…

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No one loves life here….

It’s a beautiful sunny day (yes, still cold, but there’s SUN!!) here in Michigan. And what should we do?! Well, of course, go get a window seat in one of the many riverside restaurants as we watch the sun-glistening waters of the rivers, the few ships and tankers floating up along, and enjoy the sunset as we ENJOY HAPPY HOUR!!! 🙂 woot! Leisurely enjoy a cocktail or two, and many delightful appetizers and small plates as we spend a weekday evening with friends at happy hour! I love life! I love life like that!

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We can be set FREE from our brokenness, for $19.99!

JK, it’s actually for free… not some Jenny Craig Program for the heart or something…

Last week, my women’s Bible study group was studying about brokenness. And as I was one of the youngest in the group, I didn’t feel like I had much life experience to share. People shared about broken relationships with spouses and family members and parents. People shared about death and mental disorders and other severe chronic ailments…

Mine? A breakup… sounds quite silly and young… actually. Continue reading

Valentine’s Day… WHAT? Single Valentine’s Day = Wonderful!

So… Now I’m married, I’m wondering if I really have to celebrate this valentine’s day thing… since we married, doesn’t that show ultimately that we love one another? Enough to take the vow… “till DEATH do us part”?

Now I don’t mind if buying a Valentine’s Day gift for a guy means flowers and a teddy bear plus some chocolates… except not.

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Back In Philadelphia!

So I went back to Philadelphia for 9 days! I was so happy!

I got off the plane in Philadelphia, and suddenly realized that I started to smile at people!!!! Oh my goodness. Me?! I started being unable to control myself and would automatically look people in the eye and smile at them. People in the airport (I had just gotten off my plane from Michigan to Philadelphia) were NOT smiling back at me, but in fact giving me strange looks.

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License Plate Mistaken Identity

Every time I drive around, aggressively albeit, on the streets and highways of Michigan, I get really excited when I see out of state license plates, especially those from the East Coast. And I’m pretty lenient about the definition of “East Coast”. I’ll take Virginia, Maryland, all of New England of course, Pennsylvania, New York, etc… I’ll even go a bit south into the Carolinas.

There is this constant excitement that I feel when I see a New York State license. “Yes!!” I think, “Finally!! Someone who understands that the speed limit is the MINIMUM that you can drive at!”

Of course, getting all excited, I try to drive behind or close the the NY car… only to find, upon closer observation, that it’s actually a Michigan license plate…

I shake my head and blink a few times. That’s weird, I was sure it was NY!

Another day, I spot a NY car again! Excitedly, I’m right next to the car. I take a closer look, they have Michigan bumper stickers all over it… and… it turns out to be a Michigan license plate, AGAIN!

Oh goodness, how do I keep mistaking these license plates?

I do this a few times… and every time I realize it’s not a NY car, I get really disappointed…

I finally realize why I’m making this seemingly stupid (but justifiable… keep reading, I promise) mistake. The NY license plate has blue borders and the plate color behind the numbers/alphabet Continue reading

Midwest Postive

Notice that it’s singular.

Just kidding.

But I’ve noticed one big thing is that moving here has made me realized how rude the East Coast is… i.e. how rude I used to (still can be??) to be. And since it’s for survival, you just become so toughened up and used to the rudeness. You grow a thick shell. When someone yells at you or honks or yells at another driver or screams out their window, it’s no big deal. You shrug it off, or shake your fist, or yell back, whichever it is… you keep on going about with your life.

Here… I have not seen people yelling or shouting or shaking fists (or even shaking their heads) at people.
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