“Say Yes to the Dress” – Can I say … No?

So we made a weekend out of it, going up to NYC and trying out different dress shops and dresses, while we ate and played. And boy… it was fun!

Our first stop was, of course, Kleinfeld, legendary place made more popular by the TV show on TLC “Say Yes to the Dress.” We go in there, it looks a lot smaller in real life than it does on TV, but that was expected. Everything in the store is subject to taping and using on the show. They have a huuuge sign that WARNS you about it in the doorway of the store.

We walk in, get our consultant for our appointment, and soon enough we see Randi, and I must say, his eyebrows are way perfect, and very very arched. Anyhow, he then analyzes my bone structure, and gives a break down what I will look good in and not it. And I must say, he is really really really good at his job.

“You are so tiny, you can never drown yourself in a ball gown, you’ll look overwhelmed and you’ll look like a child. You have a small waist, so definitely don’t do A-line, because it just covers your figure, waist down. You neck bones… ” etc etc etc… makes this whole analysis, most of the stuff we all knew… but when he put it together with the “science” of the dresses… somehow it was enlightening. And VERY helpful for our later dress hunt endeavors.

So he brought in 4 dresses. Well, first he chose one dress, with lots of confidence. Then he brought in 3 more when he saw I wasn’t too eager. At the end, I just didn’t “feel” it. (Maybe I’m just not the type to “feel” it?! I definitely am not the type that bawls and cries when I finally “say yes to the dress”….) Anyhow, I think Randi could tell I wasn’t too sold on any of them… So eventually he just lurked away to another bride, and in the distance, every so often, we would hear cheering, and sobbing, and applause… because some other woman has just “Said Yes to the Dress”.

Hmm, I wonder if people who say NO to all dresses still get to be on the show? hahahah.

Anyhow, that was our fun little Kleinfeld NYC trip. 🙂

I didn’t find my dress there! But I did find it shortly after! 🙂

(PS. My girlfriends did try to get me to try their $50,000 dress… but they said no… haha)

Email bullies!

Have you ever been bullied over email?

Ok, that may seem like a confusing question. Let me explain the scenario.

You get an email response that is rude and mean, but when you talk to them, they seem so nice. Or someone tells you they’re really nice in person.

I think people allow themselves to be nasty and mean to other people because they get to hide behind their computer screens, and feel like they can be anything and say anything to other people. Not cool 😦

Shouldn’t your emails accurately reflect what you are? If you are a person who would never say such mean things to a person in their face… why would you do so in an email?

And here’s another interesting fact, we (the bullied person) often don’t know how to respond. We just curtail our responses to very professional, but almost distant. But… why can’t we call them out? Especially if it’s an email chain, with many other people CC’ed. Also, if one of their superiors are also CC’ed on it.

I called this lady out, I just asked her (in a Reply All email) “Is there a reason you’re upset with me? Was there something I did? I’d like to understand so I can apologize to you or make any necessary amends.”

She then quickly emails back that she has no idea what I meant, and suddenly her whole tone changes. Surprising, huh?

Email bullies are NOT cool. Just because you’re emailing people does not mean you can say WHATEVER you want. If you would never say that to their face, then don’t type it in an email!

Taking the day off for Good Friday?

Some people at the office were really shocked that I came in today… They said because I am so religious and because it is Good Friday. (They actually called it Easter Friday…)

Then they proceeded to ask me which day was it that Jesus turned into the Easter Bunny… Somehow, I find this really offensive and insensitive. Can I say this is some type of discrimination?? Should I confront them?

How did Christ respond to ridicule and shaming? I guess this is exactly the right season/time to meditate on it.

Should I have taken the day off? Am I now not as good a Christian? But I also have good work ethics, if this day wasn’t allowed to be off, I can’t really just declare a holiday for myself.

I asked around my friends from church, and everyone was still hard at work, diligently and faithfully working on what God has put in front of them…

Wedding Dreams?

Not exactly sure why, but lately, I will sometimes dream about wedding stuff.

And it’s not a nightmare or something completely dramatic or terrifying, just random stuff about the wedding.

Last night, I dreamed that I went back to NYC and ordered the wrong dress. hahahah.
Ok, I guess that’s not really that funny, but I ordered the wrong dress, then I had to use the restroom, and I didn’t think I was in there that long, but when I came out, there was a long line, and I was really embarrassed… for using it so long.

Also, random dream… bathroom and wedding dress?!

Anyhow, I’m wondering why I’m remembering my dreams now? Maybe it’s the new birth control I started. And I’ve never taken any before, so this is completely a new thing to my body. Perhaps it’s messing with my sleep cycle, so I’m not sleeping as sound as I used to?? (I used to never really remember any dreams… I sleep pretty soundly.)

Anyhow… I went to my Ob-Gyn, and also asked if we could switch dosage… so… I got some new ones… and maybe this will help my sleeping a bit? No more weird dreams!

Displeased People

This is the battle field of weddings. Nope, I’m not talking about marriage. I meant the wedding.

There are some crazy landmines hidden out there! 

After having only one month with my awesome bridesmaids, problems started to arise. Oh no, not from them. But from everyone else who wasn’t a bridesmaids. I never thought this would be an issue. I thought if people were friends they would be supportive of whoever I chose, and in the end just be happy and come to party at the wedding.

One friend became really upset that I chose one Philadelphia girl over her. She was really upset and started accusing me of me of our friendship. I had no idea what to do… at first I tried to make it better, but in the end, I felt that this was a lost cause. There was nothing I could do to make her happy.

Then, my fiance’s mother decides to “suggest” that I put my fiance’s brother’s wife into my bridal party. Reason? “She’s family, your friends are NOT family.”
Actually, that wife is not my family, she isn’t even my fiance’s sister, just his sister in-law. She is not my family yet. Also, they are in California. If you’re going to be my bridesmaids, you’ll need to be able to keep up, to help out, to be here for physical and emotional support. Can you do that?
Better is one friend that is close by and involved than 5 family members that are far away and not involved.
Ok, so that reasoning didn’t work. So then she tried another one to my fiance about my choice of bridesmaids, “Your brother will be in your wedding party. He is a married man. He shouldn’t walk with another bridesmaids down the aisle if it isn’t his own wife. So if your brother will be your groomsmen, she has to use his wife as her bridesmaids.”
WHAT?!?! Are you crazy!?

First of all, the traditional meaning of the word “bridesmaids” means she’s not married! Not a mother of two kids! Traditionally, bridesmaids are usually unmarried women. It’s just that recently, people broke out of tradition, thus having terms such as “matron of honor” and etc. Married or not married, whatever…. but:
Second of all, and probably most importantly, I think it’s an honor to stand up there with my friends during their wedding, and in the same way, I am honoring my friends who I’ve chosen to be my bridesmaids. It’s an honor but also a big responsibility. These are women that I trust and believe in and can rely on them to deliver and follow through.

People who complain about not being a bridesmaids… that’s probably the exact reason why I didn’t ask you to be a bridesmaid. You end up worrying about you, about if some other girl is closer than you, some other bridesmaids gets more attention, some other girl looks better in the dress… But that’s not even the point.

And that’s why I asked these girls. These are the girls who are confident and wise. They know when to pamper themselves and when to focus on themselves. But they also know when to focus on a goal, a task, and strive onward towards it. And! I have FUN with them! They don’t tire me out because I’m endlessly trying to reassure them about “how important you are to me” and how important of a friend you are, etc.

These are girls that are comfortable and confident of their friendships, not trying to outdo anyone or compete with anyone. These are girls that get along easily with people. After the first mimosa, these girls became good friends. I depend on them to make good friendships with each other as well. I need them to be strong and not sensitive and dramatic, getting all upset at each other or having some passive aggression going on.

Landmines… I never knew people had SO much input on the most personal thing: choosing your own bridesmaids.

I can understand if you want to put in a few cents about my dress, my flowers (your allergies), my venue, my date, my season, my stationary colors, my bridal party’s attire, my cake flavor, my meal and it’s vegetarian options, my decorations, my DJ’s music, etc etc.

But the last thing that I would expect ANYONE to comment on, is WHO I choose to be as my own bridesmaids.

How do you find a wedding dress?

I think I am up to 60 dresses now…

And I have come up with…. zero.

There was an okay one at Alfred Angelo, can’t remember the designer. There were two okay ones at Van Cleve, Pronovias was the designer for both. There was one okay one at David’s Bridal, can’t even remember by who.

David’s Bridal made me cry during our appointment. It’s crazy. It was like a zoo. The consultants were nice, but very pushy and demanding. My bridesmaids had to fight some of them off.

Van Cleve is ridiculously amazing. They only book one appointment per time slot, so the whole boutique is yours to skip around in. They have wonderful service and a very knowledgeable assistant.

Alfred Angelo was really nice. It was quiet, but our consultant was new, and wasn’t very knowledgeable, and kept pulling out dresses that I didn’t like. Finally, my bridesmaids each went to pull 2-3 dresses. And that’s how I found the “okay” one.

But after… Still weren’t too happy about anything.

I did my homework, as people instructed. I looked in bridal magazines and tried to learn about bridal dresses and what I liked.
(No, I’m not that girl that knows what type of dress she wants since she was 10 years old.)
I have started a binder, also instructed by many of my friends who already planned their wedding and is also an organizer freak like me.

But every time I go to the store, and start trying on dresses, I learn a whole lot more that magazines and billions of pictures could NOT convey. Not even close.

I realized that though I love the trumpet look, there are many levels of trumpet. I realized that I love the poof. I wanted a dress that had a dramatic and big poof on the bottom. I learned that I like beading and lace. I learned that though I love satin, most satin won’t have both beading and lace.

Thank goodness I’m not in the bridal dress business. Just typing those words and details made my head and stomach start hurting. Is this what they call a panic attack? Anxiety?

Alright, thank goodness I’m on the East Coast, land of everything. My bridesmaids are from all over the East Coast, DC, Boston, NYC, Philly, etc. So they have made an extensive list of all the bridal dress shops in the cities: Philadelphia, NYC, DC, Boston. We will conquer each city, one by one. I’m sure that in these cities (all which are part of the Top 10 biggest cities in the US)  I will find ONE dress.

It just has to be there somewhere. I’ll definitely find one…. Right?

Enter: Bridesmaids!

Just a while ago, I had happily gathered with my bridesmaids, with some mango mimosa (amazing, btw) and some sushi, I love my fish raw!

My 4 bridesmaids are from my different walks of life. My maid of honor is with me in Philly, she is in my small group and goes to the same church. She was deepest undercover operative that my fiance used to gather valuable intel from me, regarding surprise birthday parties, ring size and ring preference, and finally, to get a manicure before the proposal. She is my maid of honor, who has quiet strength, but some impressive fits of delirious giggles and explosions when needed (like Jiggly-puff… apparently). Using color codes in notes and spreadsheet is her specialty.

My next bridesmaid is my college best friend. We met as freshmen, we were in the same class, then we had the same major (both had Physics as our double major). So thereafter, we had every class together till the day we died… I mean, till we graduated. We were in dance together, we were part of the same close group of friends. I brought her to my church and my college fellowship and eventually that’s where she got baptized. She currently lives in Florida with some gorgeous dark red hair. She has some crazy ideas, but has the biggest and most generous heart one has seen before.

My next bridesmaids is was someone I used to mentor (I guess still? since mentoring is lifelong??). I used to be her college advisor, but soon after she graduated and started working in NYC, we became close friends. It kind of felt like a Paul-Timothy relationship, except without the crazy age gap. We’re only 3 years apart. She is a crazy NYC person. She sometimes can be the most clueless person in the group. But she brings a type of calmness and happiness into the group as well. Schedules and itineraries are her specialties. Armed with electronics and maps in hand, she is never afraid of getting lost or asking for help. She can reserve and book us into restaurants of any caliber. She is a yelp fan and can easily tell us why we should go somewhere somehow.

My next bridesmaids is my close friend in Philly. She is an ex-athlete. Trained with the type of endurance only a professional athlete can have. She has crazy endurance. And that includes when she is dragged out to shop for bridal dresses. She is the only bridesmaid who has accompanied me to ALL bridal dress appointments. FIGHTER! 🙂 She also spends a large amount of time doing event planning along with her phD, like me. So we have similar lives. I support her events, she supports my events (and on occasion bounces at my too-large events). She is ALWAYS on her Droid, and loves spreadsheets and google calendar. Her specialty is forcing me not to accidentally drift back to becoming event planner on my wedding day and remind me to be pampered and have fun.

Honorary member: She is more knowledgeable than 10 brides combined. She has more knowledge than any bridal consultant I’ve met. She’s planned more weddings than the fingers on her one hand, and been in at least 4 bridal parties. She is knowledgeable from centerpieces to dresses to flowers to stationary. She is currently in Philly and studying to be a nurse. Her energy is indispensable and her knowledge is worth millions. Her specialty is fighting off the bad people during anything, giving off positive energy and excitement to keep the group excited,  and also finding the best ideas/deals/inventions.

Me, being very type A and way over-organized, had handouts printed for them, googledocs ready for them. They, being my beloved bridesmaids, are also super organized, didn’t miss a beat, and started also creating multiple spreadsheets and documents for: dress shops, florists, types of flowers in season, centerpiece option, bridesmaids shoe options, etc etc…

They are amazing. They make my life amazing. And they do it with a smile. And they do it all happily. We are having a blast. It’s awesome! 🙂

Best part of my wedding so far: My time with these ladies!