This is the battle field of weddings. Nope, I’m not talking about marriage. I meant the wedding.
There are some crazy landmines hidden out there!
After having only one month with my awesome bridesmaids, problems started to arise. Oh no, not from them. But from everyone else who wasn’t a bridesmaids. I never thought this would be an issue. I thought if people were friends they would be supportive of whoever I chose, and in the end just be happy and come to party at the wedding.
One friend became really upset that I chose one Philadelphia girl over her. She was really upset and started accusing me of me of our friendship. I had no idea what to do… at first I tried to make it better, but in the end, I felt that this was a lost cause. There was nothing I could do to make her happy.
Then, my fiance’s mother decides to “suggest” that I put my fiance’s brother’s wife into my bridal party. Reason? “She’s family, your friends are NOT family.”
Actually, that wife is not my family, she isn’t even my fiance’s sister, just his sister in-law. She is not my family yet. Also, they are in California. If you’re going to be my bridesmaids, you’ll need to be able to keep up, to help out, to be here for physical and emotional support. Can you do that?
Better is one friend that is close by and involved than 5 family members that are far away and not involved.
Ok, so that reasoning didn’t work. So then she tried another one to my fiance about my choice of bridesmaids, “Your brother will be in your wedding party. He is a married man. He shouldn’t walk with another bridesmaids down the aisle if it isn’t his own wife. So if your brother will be your groomsmen, she has to use his wife as her bridesmaids.”
WHAT?!?! Are you crazy!?
First of all, the traditional meaning of the word “bridesmaids” means she’s not married! Not a mother of two kids! Traditionally, bridesmaids are usually unmarried women. It’s just that recently, people broke out of tradition, thus having terms such as “matron of honor” and etc. Married or not married, whatever…. but:
Second of all, and probably most importantly, I think it’s an honor to stand up there with my friends during their wedding, and in the same way, I am honoring my friends who I’ve chosen to be my bridesmaids. It’s an honor but also a big responsibility. These are women that I trust and believe in and can rely on them to deliver and follow through.
People who complain about not being a bridesmaids… that’s probably the exact reason why I didn’t ask you to be a bridesmaid. You end up worrying about you, about if some other girl is closer than you, some other bridesmaids gets more attention, some other girl looks better in the dress… But that’s not even the point.
And that’s why I asked these girls. These are the girls who are confident and wise. They know when to pamper themselves and when to focus on themselves. But they also know when to focus on a goal, a task, and strive onward towards it. And! I have FUN with them! They don’t tire me out because I’m endlessly trying to reassure them about “how important you are to me” and how important of a friend you are, etc.
These are girls that are comfortable and confident of their friendships, not trying to outdo anyone or compete with anyone. These are girls that get along easily with people. After the first mimosa, these girls became good friends. I depend on them to make good friendships with each other as well. I need them to be strong and not sensitive and dramatic, getting all upset at each other or having some passive aggression going on.
Landmines… I never knew people had SO much input on the most personal thing: choosing your own bridesmaids.
I can understand if you want to put in a few cents about my dress, my flowers (your allergies), my venue, my date, my season, my stationary colors, my bridal party’s attire, my cake flavor, my meal and it’s vegetarian options, my decorations, my DJ’s music, etc etc.
But the last thing that I would expect ANYONE to comment on, is WHO I choose to be as my own bridesmaids.