Wedding planning is a microcosm of marriage

Wow.. I can’t believe how many topics we’ve covered in the past 3 days.

I’m not going to lie, there are many times that we get so discouraged, because these discussions (or fights) can get intense, and personal, and we can feel very vulnerable.

Issues that we’ve covered in 3 short days:

– Birth control methods, responsibility, medical risks, statistics, etc.

– Moving, possessions of each person, do we ship it, buy new things, which things to keep and which to throw out, different tastes, etc. (I hate your lamp, I like my table, I wouldn’t pay 5 cents for your shelf, etc)

– Registry or cash as gifts, information from other couples, one location or multiple ones, what information/perks/deals are useless or useful

– Sticking up for the other person (we’re on the same side)

I’m thankful that sometimes in the middle of the fight, when we’re both fuming at each other, we stop to pray. (Because we’re both speechless at some point… which is very very rare…)  Sometimes we’re not that angry yet, and we still have some sanity and have the lucidity to say, “I think we should pray.”
Sometimes, it’s because of pure scheduling. Because it’s time for our weekly devotionals, and we needed to pause our fights, so we could pray and do our couple’s Bible Study time. (Is it ironic that we were on Ephesians 5 this week? the part about Husbands and Wives?)

This morning, we had a short phone call before work, and we were loosely discussing some topics (can’t even remember what…) But we very easily agree on most things. In fact, we have the same opinion and mindset on the majority of things. I guess on the few things that we disagree on, sometimes they are significant issues to us and we become more emotionally charged than usual, and we get into very heated arguments.

A few of my women mentors at church (some newlyweds, others married for a few years) say that the top three things that couples fight about:
Money
Sex
Family (children and parents)

Our pastor tells us that marriage is a journey. I’m excited for it. I really am.

It’s just tough when there’s crying times (like last night) and difficult discussions (where you feel like you’re head is about to explode).

Thankfully, we can pray. Somehow, that always calms us both down, and renews us, and reminds us about what is ultimately the most important thing.
Christ – and being like-minded to Him.

 

 

PS. I know that by no means are we done fighting, there is a long road ahead of us. But with Christ as our head, I’m not too worried about it. I’m not to wary, I’m not fearful. 🙂

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One thought on “Wedding planning is a microcosm of marriage

  1. Really glad to hear that you guys are spiritually and emotionally and mentally mature enough to stop and pray when you need to =) Also, it really is a good thing to figure out the money, sex, and family issues now, before you’re married (obviously you can’t work out every detail immediately, but at least get the basics of each others’ preferences down). I’m sure it’ll make things a lot easier in the future.

    You’re definitely not alone in getting stressed out about these talks, either. When my ex brought up these topics while we were dating, I felt really lost and frustrated, too. I’m not sure, but I think it might be that guys are better at compartmentalizing the stress from different parts of their lives, while girls pile the stress on top of each other until it becomes too much to handle. Just be honest with your fiance and let him know when it’s too much for you to deal with and that you’d rather talk about it another time when you’re not as stressed about everything else that’s going on.

    Also, have you guys thought about pre-marriage counseling? Might be good to have a third party discuss these things with you two =) Just a thought!

    Praying for you and hoping all goes well! Love you!

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