First Date FAQs for Men

I was once asked these questions. Maybe it really is tough for guys to understand a girl’s mind…

On the guy’s end:

1. Should I arrive fashionably late?
A: No. No. NO! If you arrive late, it communicates many many different messages. But the most important one: I’m not interested.
Very likely, the girl has a wait-rule, something like, 10 min late without notice and I’ll be a bit annoyed, but still give the guy a chance. Wait 30min, and the date is off (She’ll either go home or make other plans). Wait anything over an hour, and your “good” name is in jeopardy of being slandered.
There is no such thing as “fashionably late”. You can only be fashionable if you’re early in this situation. Being on time is a very attractive thing. It communicates many positive qualities, such as responsible, thoughtful, well-mannered, classy, and “has GAME!”.
If you show up late, a girl may think:
– Maybe this guy is such a slob, he has no sense of time.
– Maybe this guy is actually a child/boy, and cannot keep himself to a schedule.
– Maybe this guy is a player, and thinks this is attractive, but this is just infuriating.
– Maybe this guy has never taken a woman on a date, thus has no concept of etiquette and class.

All in all, don’t be late, it’s not attractive, and no, it will NOT make her want you more.

2. Should I be chivalrous?
A: Yes. Always be chivalrous. It shows that you’re making effort, but don’t over do it. It can be exhausting or almost forced. And when something seems forced and unnatural, the girl will think you’re being ingenuous and fake. Then she just won’t trust you.
If you’re nervous, that can also cause your normally natural chivalrous instincts to come out as fake and awkward. If so, don’t drop the chivalry because you’re so consumed by your nerves. Either explain that you’re a bit nervous (it’s kinda endearing/flattering for a girl to hear that) or shake it off and suck it up like a man!

3. What’s the first thing I should do when I greet my date?
A: Depends. Some people hug (forward or side hugs), some people wave (no physical contact), and some will give a kiss. It depends on many things. What type of contact have you had with this person prior? Is this a friend? Blind date? Just met a week ago?
It’s important to also remember the other person’s culture and their comfort level. In our global world, you’re sometimes taking out a girl that is from a different background and different culture, body language can be interpreted very differently across cultures.
The most important thing is: What is your date MOST comfortable with? How can you show your date that you’re so excited to see her, yet still respect her comfort zone and her space/boundaries.

4. What do I do if I’m not attracted to my date?

A: When!? During the date or before the date???
If it’s before the date, then: DON’T ASK HER ON A DATE! Don’t string a person along, wasting your time and her’s… when you already know that you’re not interested.
If this phenomenon occurs during the date, be polite. (not cold!) Treat it like two friends hanging out. Don’t make romantic gestures or suggestions, don’t suggest future endeavors and activities and plans together. Be courteous, keep your cool. Do as you promised (if it’s a movie, then finish the whole movie; if it’s a dinner, finish your food, dessert is optional, after dinner drink is optional). But don’t feel obligated to prolong the date. If you’re not calling her, don’t tell her you’ll call. DON’T.
Say you had fun and “I’ll see you around”. Don’t linger on the doorstep or the parking lot. The girl is strong enough, she won’t be crushed. But don’t try to make yourself feel like a good guy by pretending you’re still interested. That will crush her more.
If you’re not interested, stop hinting. It’s much less painful for a woman if you just don’t make false promises. As she walks away from the date, she’s still evaluating how the date went. Your exit strategy can contribute to her evaluation. If it’s somewhat obvious that you might not be asking her out on another date again, she won’t be crestfallen. However, if you pretended that you’re interested and showed that you were going call/take her out again, as she walks away, her evaluation is now biased. She is more inclined to give you a second chance, even if she would’ve rated the date a 6/10, she might reserve final judgment till after the second date.
So you’ll leave her waiting and withholding a decision on you. And then you never respond.
Not cool.
Unless you feel great about yourself when you have girls pining over you and then despising you for playing them, don’t pretend. Just be honest.


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