1 I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.
2 Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.
Lately, I keep feeling that I end my days without finishing all the things that I need to do. And everyday, I feel like I have more and more unfinished things… and I try my best to finish all these tedious things (phone calls, ordering, emails, reimbursement forms, filling out forms, emailing reminders, making appointments, meetings, panels, events coordinating, training sessions, etc etc…) and I keep being unable to do the main thing, my research. The bigger picture, the bigger project. I get so tied up by all these things, and I think “Oh, I’ll just spend this whole morning and hopefully, I’ll finish it all up by the afternoon, so I can focus on my main task: my research”
But by 5pm, the tedious tasks are still not all finished, and more pile in through the door, inbox, phone, texts, etc etc… (more pop up into my mind).
And then I spend the next day working on it. and the next. and the next.
I only meant to spend Monday morning on it, but it’s Tuesday night, and I’ve spent Monday and Tuesday (two whole working days) to complete all my tasks, and I finished a few more tonight at home. I’m hopefully going to do an experiment tomorrow…
But as I was getting done with my tasks, I still felt unsettled… Like I still haven’t finished something yet. I remembered about an email reminder, an announcement I needed to send. I checked my planner and among that a few other reminders, checked my upcoming meetings for the week, and even next week. Made sure all new appointments have been penned in… etc… Seems like I’ve done everything, and no more tasks to complete, well, as of this current hour… until tomorrow’s flood of new emails and such…
And I keep feeling that today is like yesterday, like I still have unfinished business… and I remember.
I forgot to do my devos. I did not read God’s word today.
I reread Psalms 116, and saw v 2: I call out to God for as long as I live.
I’m so inundated with tedious tasks… that I forget the most important and life-long thing, to call upon and remember my LORD.
I keep thinking that I’ll spend a few hours to “finish” my tasks… but then it’s a myth, because hours become days… and days become weeks… and pretty soon, I miss out on working on my main research… and progress falls behind…
That’s how I feel, I get distracted by little things, tedious tasks, lists of things to do, that I must complete, and I get distracted from the bigger picture: God.
I think “ohh, I’ll try to finish all my tasks and lists first, then I’ll get to God” … but that day never comes, because new tasks and lists keep piling in, building up on my desk, inbox, planner, memory, post-its, etc etc…
And God just keeps getting pushed back, again and again and again. Things always jump the queue.
That is until, I freeze frame, hold up, pause, focus, come home, retreat to God. And then, my heart is settled. I’m finished. I feel that today is complete. regardless how many more tasks waits for me tomorrow morning…