I feel like I’m forgetting something

Psalms 116

1 I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.
2 Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.

Lately, I keep feeling that I end my days without finishing all the things that I need to do. And everyday, I feel like I have more and more unfinished things… and I try my best to finish all these tedious things (phone calls, ordering, emails, reimbursement forms, filling out forms, emailing reminders, making appointments, meetings, panels, events coordinating, training sessions, etc etc…) and I keep being unable to do the main thing, my research. The bigger picture, the bigger project. I get so tied up by all these things, and I think “Oh, I’ll just spend this whole morning and hopefully, I’ll finish it all up by the afternoon, so I can focus on my main task: my research”

But by 5pm, the tedious tasks are still not all finished, and more pile in through the door, inbox, phone, texts, etc etc… (more pop up into my mind).
And then I spend the next day working on it. and the next. and the next.
I only meant to spend Monday morning on it, but it’s Tuesday night, and I’ve spent Monday and Tuesday (two whole working days) to complete all my tasks, and I finished a few more tonight at home. I’m hopefully going to do an experiment tomorrow…

But as I was getting done with my tasks, I still felt unsettled… Like I still haven’t finished something yet. I remembered about an email reminder, an announcement I needed to send. I checked my planner and among that a few other reminders, checked my upcoming meetings for the week, and even next week. Made sure all new appointments have been penned in… etc… Seems like I’ve done everything, and no more tasks to complete, well, as of this current hour… until tomorrow’s flood of new emails and such…
And I keep feeling that today is like yesterday, like I still have unfinished business… and I remember.
I forgot to do my devos. I did not read God’s word today.

I reread Psalms 116, and saw v 2: I call out to God for as long as I live.

I’m so inundated with tedious tasks… that I forget the most important and life-long thing, to call upon and remember my LORD.

I keep thinking that I’ll spend a few hours to “finish” my tasks… but then it’s a myth, because hours become days… and days become weeks… and pretty soon, I miss out on working on my main research… and progress falls behind…
That’s how I feel, I get distracted by little things, tedious tasks, lists of things to do, that I must complete, and I get distracted from the bigger picture: God.

I think “ohh, I’ll try to finish all my tasks and lists first, then I’ll get to God” … but that day never comes, because new tasks and lists keep piling in, building up on my desk, inbox, planner, memory, post-its, etc etc…
And God just keeps getting pushed back, again and again and again. Things always jump the queue.

That is until, I freeze frame, hold up, pause, focus, come home, retreat to God. And then, my heart is settled. I’m finished. I feel that today is complete. regardless how many more tasks waits for me tomorrow morning…


No such thing as “friends with benefits”

There is no such thing.

What is your view point of it? Is it the greatest arrangement ever? Or that this is a model that will never sustain?

So currently, the viewpoint of the market is:
This arrangement is the ideal, ultimate awesome-ness for a guy. Being able to have physical intimacy without having to endure the burdens of a relationship.
And for the girl, if she’s able to maintain emotional distance and be able to hope for something more, then it would be a good arrangement, too.

Some of our friends discussed this topic in depth. And here are some of our thoughts.

This model… sucks. And it’s very deceiving, for both parties. Because you call it “friends”, you think it’s a friendly situation and they’ll still always be able to “stay friends”. But it’s not. Someone ALWAYS gets hurt. ALWAYS. People often think it’s the girl, but guys are just as susceptible.

After awhile, someone always wants more, whether it be more stability, or more commitment, or more time, or exposure and accessibility to the rest of the other person’s life.
But unless both people are on the same page constantly, there will be hurt feelings and broken hearts.

We use this term in hopes that we can get closer to this person without suffocating them or scaring them with a relationship, so we offer no-strings-attached physical intimacy. Or we hope to be able to enjoy physical intimacy with someone without leading them on or keeping them completely platonic and with no emotions. Except sex is a very emotional and intimate thing. Someone always falls for the other person, either before the “arrangement” began, or after it started.

The “friends with benefit” thing just doesn’t work.

First Date FAQs for Men

I was once asked these questions. Maybe it really is tough for guys to understand a girl’s mind…

On the guy’s end:

1. Should I arrive fashionably late?
A: No. No. NO! If you arrive late, it communicates many many different messages. But the most important one: I’m not interested.
Very likely, the girl has a wait-rule, something like, 10 min late without notice and I’ll be a bit annoyed, but still give the guy a chance. Wait 30min, and the date is off (She’ll either go home or make other plans). Wait anything over an hour, and your “good” name is in jeopardy of being slandered.
There is no such thing as “fashionably late”. You can only be fashionable if you’re early in this situation. Being on time is a very attractive thing. It communicates many positive qualities, such as responsible, thoughtful, well-mannered, classy, and “has GAME!”.
If you show up late, a girl may think:
– Maybe this guy is such a slob, he has no sense of time.
– Maybe this guy is actually a child/boy, and cannot keep himself to a schedule.
– Maybe this guy is a player, and thinks this is attractive, but this is just infuriating.
– Maybe this guy has never taken a woman on a date, thus has no concept of etiquette and class.

All in all, don’t be late, it’s not attractive, and no, it will NOT make her want you more.

2. Should I be chivalrous?
A: Yes. Always be chivalrous. It shows that you’re making effort, but don’t over do it. It can be exhausting or almost forced. And when something seems forced and unnatural, the girl will think you’re being ingenuous and fake. Then she just won’t trust you.
If you’re nervous, that can also cause your normally natural chivalrous instincts to come out as fake and awkward. If so, don’t drop the chivalry because you’re so consumed by your nerves. Either explain that you’re a bit nervous (it’s kinda endearing/flattering for a girl to hear that) or shake it off and suck it up like a man!

3. What’s the first thing I should do when I greet my date?
A: Depends. Some people hug (forward or side hugs), some people wave (no physical contact), and some will give a kiss. It depends on many things. What type of contact have you had with this person prior? Is this a friend? Blind date? Just met a week ago?
It’s important to also remember the other person’s culture and their comfort level. In our global world, you’re sometimes taking out a girl that is from a different background and different culture, body language can be interpreted very differently across cultures.
The most important thing is: What is your date MOST comfortable with? How can you show your date that you’re so excited to see her, yet still respect her comfort zone and her space/boundaries.

4. What do I do if I’m not attracted to my date?

A: When!? During the date or before the date???
If it’s before the date, then: DON’T ASK HER ON A DATE! Don’t string a person along, wasting your time and her’s… when you already know that you’re not interested.
If this phenomenon occurs during the date, be polite. (not cold!) Treat it like two friends hanging out. Don’t make romantic gestures or suggestions, don’t suggest future endeavors and activities and plans together. Be courteous, keep your cool. Do as you promised (if it’s a movie, then finish the whole movie; if it’s a dinner, finish your food, dessert is optional, after dinner drink is optional). But don’t feel obligated to prolong the date. If you’re not calling her, don’t tell her you’ll call. DON’T.
Say you had fun and “I’ll see you around”. Don’t linger on the doorstep or the parking lot. The girl is strong enough, she won’t be crushed. But don’t try to make yourself feel like a good guy by pretending you’re still interested. That will crush her more.
If you’re not interested, stop hinting. It’s much less painful for a woman if you just don’t make false promises. As she walks away from the date, she’s still evaluating how the date went. Your exit strategy can contribute to her evaluation. If it’s somewhat obvious that you might not be asking her out on another date again, she won’t be crestfallen. However, if you pretended that you’re interested and showed that you were going call/take her out again, as she walks away, her evaluation is now biased. She is more inclined to give you a second chance, even if she would’ve rated the date a 6/10, she might reserve final judgment till after the second date.
So you’ll leave her waiting and withholding a decision on you. And then you never respond.
Not cool.
Unless you feel great about yourself when you have girls pining over you and then despising you for playing them, don’t pretend. Just be honest.