27-31, Guys who lie about their age

what?! really?! Do guys actually lie about their age? and if so… why?!

Story: Bryan meets Linda takes her on a date. Eventually, they casually come across the topic of age, Linda explains that she’s 26 and Bryan answers that he’s 27. Interesting, she thinks, I thought he looked older!

Linda had a lot to drink, and since they had been going to 3 places within one night, she suddenly blanked on Bryan’s name. She’s frantic, and saw that Bryan had left his wallet on the table while he went to the bathroom. She quickly flipped it open to scan his name from his ID, except… she also saw his birthdate… and he was NOT 27….

It was more like 31.

LMAO! (sorry, that’s my inserted response right here…)

What?! Why would he lie about his age?! Don’t men feel more confident when their older? and there’s a sense of more experience and maturity and accomplishment with age? Why would someone hide that and pretend to be younger? and less mature, less emotionally aware, less established, etc etc etc…?

“So you’re actually 31, huh?” Linda says bluntly when Bryan returns from the bathroom. “…” Bryan is speechless. Linda continues, “Listen, I have to be honest, I suddenly blanked on your name and didn’t want to look like a doofus so I tried to find your name on your ID, and saw that you were actually 31 and not 27. I’m not faulting you or anything, just trying to understand why you wanted to be 27 and not 31.”

Byran shrugs, “I don’t know. I just thought you looked younger so I wanted to be younger, as to not to scare you off. I thought you were maybe around 21.” (and ya, by lying that definitely doesn’t help…).

Wait, so you’re lying that you’re 27, to take a 21 year old out to dinner (27 – 21 = 6), but in reality you’re actually 31 and taking a 26 year old out (31 – 26 = 5). So by lying you actually increased your age difference? or wait, did you decrease the difference to only 1? and if you thought Linda was 21, then you’re actually a 31 yr old taking out a 21…. talk about robbing the cradle!
But regardless…

WHY DO YOU LIE ABOUT YOUR AGE?

You’re not a woman. It’s not like you’re trying to hide that you have had a divorce and 2 kids. (wait, do you?) Not that it’s okay for anyone to lie about their age, but I can sympathize a bit more when women don’t reveal their age or lie about it. So they can be younger or older… or whatever it is that they need to “look”, as we know, this world often views women as beauty icons. And youth is beauty is a very true statement. Yes, aged wine, like older women have a refined beauty to them. But with the eye creams and the wrinkle flattening skin care products… it is all to help women feel/look younger. But men? Do you use botox? eye creams? day and night skin care? Not really. Last time I checked, I didn’t think guys cared that much about looking young. (Except for that hair dye commercial to help guys dye their hair to that “salt and pepper grey” look… so to look aged and experienced, but still youthful at heart and with energy…)

If anyone has a clue, can someone explain… why would a man lie about his age?

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Asia + Canada

After spending a few weeks in Taiwan, I have one extra luggage and I’m ready to go for some cooler weather. (wait, what am I thinking?! Philadelphia is still humid and hot… ) hehe… My next stop, Canada!

Here are some pictures from Taiwan!

I took this of Taipei from the 45th floor of Shing Gwang San Yue, which is next to the Taipei Train Station. This is towards the northwest direction, and you can see Dang Swei River.

Below is the Food Court of a Mall (FE21) in Hsinchu City. Not only is it super clean, they have amazing food! Not Panda Express or Sbarro or Taco Bell. Yes, they do have McDonalds (with the special dessert counter!), but they also have Korean BBQ, hot clay pot dishes, Taiwanese traditional foods, Japanese noodle bar and sushi bar, Teppenyaki, Italian pastas, Northern Chinese Noodles, etc. And no, this is not for tourists. Every mall/department store food court is at this level. What’s more awesome is that in the middle of the food court area, there is this middle island that sells Taiwanese snacks! And not like chips or something, but traditional old school (with a modern flare) snacks! So awesome!!

And these nails for only $20 USD! Every single petal and dot was hand drawn. And the lady even gave my friend and I ice cream and popsicles!! Taiwan people are the best! So hospitable! 🙂

Who should have your last dance?

I was at a wedding in Pittsburgh and my friend Chayenne started talking to one of the groomsmen. (What is with us 20-30 year olds meeting people at weddings?!) She had been telling me that she definitely felt a connection, and maybe they’ll get to dance later. As one of the groomsmen, we understood that there are many tasks to do during the reception, so she wasn’t expecting full attention. But after awhile, the groomsmen, Andy, finally got the courage to ask her for the last dance.

As Andy led Chayenne onto the dance floor, they barely had begun to dance when the corresponding bridesmaid bustled out of nowhere and grabbed Andy’s arm. “C’mon, Andy! We have to dance! You’re my corresponding groomsmen and I’m your corresponding bridesmaid! We have to dance the last song!”

Andy was resisting and explaining that he was hoping to dance with Chayenne. But the bridesmaid (not sure if she was really so distracted that she didn’t hear him over the music, or if she was just pretending she didn’t hear him) continued to pull him away… hard. Andy, being shy and soft-spoken, looked at Chayenne with an apologetic look, mouthing, “I’m really sorry.” Chayenne, being the lady that she is, smiled and nodded and walked off.

I was standing close to the dance floor and caught the whole situation from the corner of my eye. Well, I was excitedly giving her the thumbs up earlier when Andy was leading her onto the dance floor, and had turned around to chat with someone’s grandma… when I suddenly caught her walking back towards me… And I turned and saw the bridesmaid now dancing with Andy. “What happened?!?!” I exclaimed (trying not to yell and shout, but really wanted to).

Chayenne explained the whole dialogue/grabbing situation. “Is there really such a tradition? that the corresponding bridesmaid and groomsmen have to dance the last dance?” she asked. “Hells no!!” I answer, “What?! that’s ridiculous. Many groomsmen/bridesmaid are married, and usually they save their last dance for their spouses… not their corrsponding aisle walking partner. Andy obviously really wanted to dance with you, and he should’ve danced with whoever he wanted. That bridesmaid probably had a thing for him, and was just using the corresponding bridesmaid thing as an excuse to act so rudely and shamelessly!”

Chayenne is pretty disappointed. But our college friends were around us, so we ended up all just hugging and taking more pictures, since we’d spread out again across the country after the wedding ended. As we were leaving, some people were talking about going up to Mount Washington. (You take an rustic looking cable car up an incline to a really gorgeous scenic point to overlook the 3 rivers of Pittsburgh. It’s not only breathtaking and a must-see in Pittsburgh, but can also be a very romantic spot.) Andy and a few of the other guests were saying that they wanted to go up to Mt. Wash., and he started asking if Chayenne and I wanted to go. (I’m rolling my eyes silently in my head… Ok, I realize I’m supposed to play telephone right now… as I haven’t spoken to this Andy guy the whole night.) I bounced over to Chayenne and asked her if she wanted to go with Andy. Her eyes went wide, I smiled super wide as I nodded meaing “yes! you should totally go!!” I make sure that Andy has a car and can take Chayenne back to the hotel (yay for Chay!), and I blessed them off! 🙂

She wanted me to come with her (I’m an awesome wing woman), but I had other plans with some other Pittsburgh friends who weren’t at the wedding for an after party~ (hehe 😉 Catching up takes quite a long time!). So she promised to update me with what happens.

Fingers crossed! 🙂 oh weddings!
Now… into the commentary section, what in the world was that bridesmaid thinking? Was it like a last minute Hail-Mary move for wedding receptions?? When you feel that you’re justified to just shamelessly throw yourself at someone even when you see them lead someone else onto the dance floor? “Ohh! We’re both wearing something blue, we MUST have the last dance together!” or “OMG! You and I both have brown hair! We need to dance this last song! Obviously!”
Hmm, I’d like to think this girl actually thought that there is tradition that the corresponding groomsmen and bridesmaid had to dance together for the last dance, but… I highly doubt that.
Perhaps she had eyes for Andy, and felt that she had first dibbs on him, since she was the corresponding bridesmaid. Haha, omg, when did weddings become a meat auction??

But if he explains…

But if he explains, don’t continue to be mean to him!!!

My beloved girl friend, you’re so silly.
She was a bit overheated by being blown off on Friday.

Let’s back up. Brad and Cassie are friends and Brad is interested in taking Cassie out on a date. So he has a big project due on Friday, so he asked Cassie out to celebrate with him. He postponed to Monday. And his explanation? His project deadline was moved to Monday, so he’ll have to work through the weekend till Monday. Reasonable? I think so.

But Cassie was still upset. So when he asked if they could do Wednesday (since she had plans Monday and Tuesday), she answered curtly that she was busy and wished him good luck for the project. Bam, the door just got shut.

Poor guy. Cassie started to feel bad and wanted to salvage the situation. How can she dig herself out? Maybe text over a text explaining that she’s opened up her schedule on Wednesday and wants to get together again if Brad is still interested. This shows that 1. She’s still in enthusiastic to see Brad and celebrate with him and it’ll make up for her short answer earlier, 2. Hopefully, he’ll understand that she was curt because she was so swamped with work.

She emailed him explaining and they are on for Wednesday! 🙂

Fingers crossed for you!!

If you’re only an option…

Have you ever been in the situation where a guy you were mildly interested eagerly tries to make plans with you. You finally agree… and when the time comes (or a few days before) he postpones. But wait… it gets better. After postponing, for some reason, it just gets completed canceled, and then the familiar “can I take a rain check?” Then, soon after, he makes another date, and, whadaya know? Another postpone.

Now what?

Do you give him the postponed date? Or do you wipe him off your radar?

I’d give him a chance to explain what happened. Don’t start rearranging your schedule just yet. He said Friday, but now he wants Monday? Ask him what happened. Did he postpone you for another party or gathering? Or is it that he’s meeting another girl? What’s going on?

One of my favorite lines from my friend when we were in college: Don’t make someone a priority when you’re only an option.

Ask him what’s up. And if it’s a reasonable explanation, take his word and make the plans. But if he’s just blowing you off, then you may want to close this door for good. He may be just using you as Plan B, and you don’t want to be anyone’s backup plan.

According to you, I’m stupid, I’m useless…

Does a boyfriend ever make you feel this way?! I remember my ex (the cheating one) made me feel this way all the time!

I was driving and heard this song on the radio, and was like, “OMG!! Wow! She’s is describing such a familiar situation!”

Later on in the song, it talks about how she meets someone else, and that person tells her she’s beautiful and funny and awesome. You know, I realize that if a serious ex had once tell you all your problems and that you’re horrible, when someone comes along and tells you you’re awesome, sometimes, we have trouble believing it! How crazy is that?!

But then I realize how powerful words can be~ Even if it was said in anger or spite, and was completely inappropriate, even falsehood. But the damage is done. Sometimes, we’ll be suspicious of the new guy who thinks we’re everything they ever wanted… We find it hard to believe all the compliments and all the good things about ourselves.

It’s so sad that us girls buy into these lies that some important man in our lives told us, fed to us. Not only does it pain us tremendously when we hear it initially, it damages us later on. Making us unable to believe/accept that we are awesome and worthy.

If someone tells you you’re worthless or useless, don’t buy it. Many times, we need to be wise and discerning, should someone be coming to you with constructive criticism/feedback. But other times, comments are ill-intentioned and unnecessary. That is when we need to protect ourselves, ladies. We need to protect our hearts and what we allow into it. If the comments are a bunch of falsehood, intended to try to make us feel guilty and bad about ourselves,  Be Very Careful. This is usually a sign of manipulation. When you feel horrible about yourself, you’ll think you can only depend on him, and you can’t leave him, and he’s the “only one” that will “put up” with you. It’s a lie.

That is just a sure way for an insecure man to tie you (yes, you! an awesome girl) to him forever. Then he’ll never have to worry that you’ll leave him. He most likely knows that you’re amazing, and is way to insecure about himself, really worried that you’ll find out that you’re too good for him. So he messes with you mind by tearing you down and making you think he’s your best bet… then he’s got you down. Bam. You’re his.

But in the end, it’s his own insecurity that is tearing down your confidence and self-image. In the end, you’re using your freedom and security and image to pay for his low self-confidence. It’s not worth it. It’s not healthy. It’s not right.

We owe it to ourselves to be so much more. We are beautiful, incredible, funny and irresistible. We are everything they’ve been looking for.

If they don’t appreciate you like that, it may be time to wave goodbye and find someone that will. It’s not worth handing in your self-image and letting them shred it for you, so that in the future, you’re resume is but a torn up piece of paper, loosely taped back together with scotch-tape.

Trip to Asia – Phone calls

So I’m spending 2 weeks in Taiwan to visit my relatives and parents.

Of course it becomes challenging to maintain communication with Brian. But thankfully, we have… Skype! Whoot! So since the time difference from the EST to Taiwan time is 12 hours… It gets a bit challenging to schedule. For example, after he came home from work, he’d have to wait till a reasonable hour before I’d wake up (5pm EST is 5am TWN time…)

At first, Brian would want to talk every 12 hours, so mornings and nights of each day (before he went to work, 8am EST, which is when I got back from dinner in Taiwan, 8pm; before he sleeps, 9-11pm EST, but my mornings, 9-11am). It’s only been 1 week since I’ve been in Taiwan. But now, he wants to just talk once a day, which is before he sleeps. He then reminds me that we only talked once a day when I was in Philly anyway (since I have verizon and he has AT&T, and can only talk free after 9pm).

Now, a bit of background. He told me before about an ex-girlfriend that he had. He said that he never really wanted to talk with her on the phone. And he was amazed that he would want to talk to me all the time on the phone, and would have 4-5 hours phone conversations, and still want to talk more. So to me, whenever he starts wanting to talk less, it’s like a little predictive sign (red flag!) that he’s distancing himself (maybe?). Now I know talking for 4-5 hours a day is exhaustive. I’m not expecting to keep that record for as long as we live… I’m just saying that the desire to talk should remain. Though we’d both make adjustments and not spend too much time on the phone. Not amplitude, but frequency…

I know I might be overly worried and thinking wayyyy too much. But still… remember that graph????

I just don’t want to be that girl who buys into all those high promises and expectations that guys make in the beginning… and then later, they back out, and raise their hands and shrug their shoulders and say, “Oh well, I couldn’t help it! I just fell out of love with you (read: infatuation).” And just fyi, I was the one that was so cautious and making sure he was accurately reflecting his feelings before diving in!

Alright, maybe this is just me being over-sensitive. And technically, people need to not be on the phone constantly. We need to be able to work and live and eat and such without being constantly connected to a phone.

Not sure what to think of the situation. I just know that I’m feeling a bit uneasy about the situation, and it makes me nervous. Especially knowing about his feelings about phone conversations (comparing me to his ex…) and also me being on vacation while he’s still working, and in a different time zone…

Okay, that’s another thing that really annoys me. Every time I’m on vacation, I’m in some sort of relationship. Last time I was in Taiwan was Feb. of 2009. I was still dating my ex-ex, the Korean dude who cheated… And I’d have to curtail certain days so we could talk online or on the phone, etc etc… Grrrrr! Screw this. Maybe I should just be unavailable over the phone.

Brian wants to talk on the phone… but on his time and his schedule. I understand I’m the one on vacation and should have a less demanding daily schedule… But I’M THE ONE ON VACATION! I shouldn’t have to abide by a rigid schedule… just the amount of fun and food and play that I need to get in!