Saturday-Sunday – the followup dates

Let’s continue on our story after the ultimate date:

The next morning, he comes to pick me up at 10am, and he had passed a farmers’ market on the way. He saw blueberries and blackberries and thought of me, so he bought some fruit, intending to eat them with me. I happily throw them in the freezer, as he looks on quizzically at me. Little did he know, that I don’t really like eat blueberries directly, but would rather have them in smoothies.

We go to brunch with his friend at Rouge, a French restaurant that looks out to Rittenhouse Square. Afterwards, we do some light shopping, since he had a few items that he needed to pick up. And shopping in Philly is wonderful! No tax on apparel! In the evening, it was my turn to plan the night. So I showed him 3 different restaurants, Alma de Cuba, Monk’s and Oyster House. He met some of my good girlfriends at Oyster House. They loved him. They also liked his version of the story over my version. His version starts with “I saw her across the room at the wedding reception, and …” He makes it sound very romantic and magical. My version? Haha, well, that was the last entry… I think mine is more realistic with exact chronological facts. Anyway, we part ways around 11pm, because I had to be at church early on Sunday for sound check at 8am.

Sunday morning, he heads over at 6am (!!). And we chat a bit and pray together for about 30 minutes. We ask God to give us direction and wisdom for our relationship, since we are far apart and this may be difficult. Also, we’ve both been in serious relationships before, and have been hurt before. We ask God to help heal us and overcome these wounds. I also express to him that what I’m really looking for is a man that can be a spiritual leader, not only of the relationship, but also for the family and my children. And if he feels that isn’t something he can do, then I don’t see this happening. He, thankfully, expressed that is exactly what he wants in his relationship, too. So we pray for God to continue growing him in a Godly man and me into a Godly woman.

After praying, he asks me to be his girlfriend. I slowly answer that I need time.

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The Ultimate First Date

Michigan surgeon dude, Brian, is scheduled to arrive in Philadelphia Airport at 3:30pm on Friday. He’s supposed to fly out at 1pm from Detroit. But his flight is delayed. It’s 2:30pm, and he still hasn’t left Detroit yet. Not sure if he’s going to make it.

I get home at around 4:30pm, since he said he should still be able to come pick me up between 5:30pm/6pm. I jump in the shower and get ready. I start doing some work on my laptop as I try to call him. It goes straight to voicemail. It’s now 5pm. He must be still in the air.

He wouldn’t tell me where he was taking me, only that reservations were at 6:30pm and that “You would want to wear a dress”. I have no way to cancel or postpone our reservations. He’s nowhere to be reached. I suddenly had a really sad image of me, sitting on my couch, all dressed up, and it’s nightfall and 8pm, and still waiting for him. Yikes.

I hadn’t put on my dress yet. Somehow, I feel that will avoid me jinxing myself. He texts me at 5:30pm: “ETA 10min.” What?!?!

How did he get to Center City so soon?? It’s at least a 20 min ride by train or cab, especially during rush hour on a Friday. Regardless, I had no time to ask questions. I needed to hurry up and change!

10 minutes later, and he shows up at my apartment door. I go to open the door and I see a huuge bouquet of flowers! I was so flustered that I didn’t know what to say, so I exclaimed, “Wow! You pack light!” (Seeing that he only had a backpack for the weekend.) He smiled at me and said, “I’m happy to see you, too.” I jump into his arms and give him a big hug.

After vasing the flowers, we needed to leave asap, since it’s now 6pm and we need to get there by 6:30pm. He still won’t tell me where, but insists that we need to take a cab. I assure him that if he gave me the exact address, we might be able to walk there. He says no. “Penns Landing, Moshulu.” He tells the cab driver. “Ha!” I said, “I know where that is! Aw, that’s nice, I have only been there for parties, but never for a dinner!” He smiles and nods as we chat about his flight coming over.

We get off the cab and I start walking toward Moshulu (a stationary large pirate ship that is a restaurant). He calls me over and says, “Wait, which ship do you want to go to? Let’s go on one that moves,” as he points to the Spirit of Philadelphia, a dinner/moonlight cruise boat. “Wait, you just changed your mind?” I ask. He just laughs. He had already bought tickets for the dinner cruise for the Spirit of Philadelphia. Since Moshulu was next to Spirit, he just told the cab driver Moshulu as a decoy. His reason for choosing the Spirit of Philadelphia?

Since we didn’t talk until later in the reception at the wedding, we didn’t really have any pictures. And we didn’t get a chance to dance at the wedding either. And since he knows that I like Philadelphia, he thought, Spirit of Philadelphia would be perfect, because they: 1. Take professional photographs for each party before you board the boat, 2. There’s dancing on the cruise, 3. It goes around Philadelphia from sunset till night, so we could see the entire skyline throughout the 3 hour ride.

We have an amazing time. For our photo, he insists that he dip me, like in dancing. I am mortified, since there is a long line of people waiting to have their photo taken. He keeps insisting and I didn’t want to hold up the line, so I finally agree. Around 9pm, while still on the cruise, the photographer walks over with a photo in hand. She tells us that they loved the photo so much and it was so beautiful that they are giving it to us free of charge and on the house. In addition, they are considering using it in their marketing campaigns. Wow. I guess his dipping suggestion was a good one!

After dinner, we go to Continental to meet up with some of my friends in Philly, giving him a chance to meet the people who are important to me in my daily life. He talks to all of them easily and everyone really likes him.

It’s now late, and he’s getting ready to go over to his friend’s house, which is where he’s staying. He had to come up to pick up his backpack though. So we sat on my couch and chatted for a bit before he left. He asks me, “So… what’s your favorite fairytale?”

I assume this is one of his strange questions with analysis involved, so I shrugged and said, “I don’t know… maybe Sleeping Beauty?” He then says, “Do you want to know mine? I’ll tell you mine, but you have to promise not to interrupt while I’m telling you the story.” I nod. He starts to sing.

He starts singing this Chinese song named “Fairytale (童話)”. It’s a song that sings about a love story between a boy and a girl. And how the girl cries and says that all fairytales are lies and she doesn’t believe in them anymore. And then the boy sings that he’s willing to be her prince charming and to protect her forever. And that they will write their fairytale love story together, and write their happy ending.

I wanted to laugh, but it was so sweet. But it was so funny. Chinese is his second language, though being Taiwanese, he was born and raised in Michigan all this life. So with his accented Chinese and somewhat singing voice, he finally managed to sing through the ENTIRE song. He ends up serenading me at the end of our first date! It’s almost ridiculous sounding!   Before heading to his friend’s house for the night, he gives me a quick kiss and tells me that he’ll see me tomorrow at 11am for brunch.

Wow! This had to have gone down in history as the most epic first date ever!

🙂 Stay tuned for Saturday, our second date!

Promises- Only make them if you plan to keep them

So my two friends from church got married this past weekend. Long story. It all began in June, during the groom’s bachelor party. Naturally, all his groomsmen flew in. The next day, Sunday, I met them at church. One of them in particular, Brian seems to be very interested in talking to me. But it’s church, and I’m always crazy busy. There are little children around, I have to talk to students, and moms always want to chat and say hi. In addition, I need to clean up the worship band equipment as well as welcoming newcomers and reconfirming meetings/information with other leaders. As much as I wanted to chat with him, I couldn’t spare much time.

Later that week, he friended me on facebook. Which I was unsure why, so I asked him. He started messaging me. Just platonic messages though. I said that it’ll be awesome to see him at rehearsal dinner a month later.

Month later, at rehearsal dinner, as we are ready to sit down at a table, another girl, his corresponding bridesmaid, Daisy, beelines over and sits right in between us. Awkward. Ok. I see. She’s obviously interested. I’m not one to butt in. So I remove myself from the situation and sit on the otherside of the table (it’s a round table). So I’m now sitting as far as I can from this situaion.

Come the ceremony and reception, we end up talking and hitting it off really well. Towards the end of the night, he tries to make me a promise, to which I rolled my eyes, and sarcastically said, “What? the moon and the stars?” And he says, “No, I promise you that I will come back to see you this summer.” I answer, “Um… summer is almost over.” Which then he corrects me to say summer doesn’t officially end till September. I shrug and answer, “Alright, well, I’ll believe it when I see it.”

I’m so sick of men making these promises and large gestures. Even if they mean it at the time, and with all their heart, and even swear on their mother’s grave… Sometimes, a few days later, they exclaim, “OMG! What was I thinking?!” And realized how stupid they were to make such a promise. And the girl? Oh well, they were told to believe a promise. But if they don’t, then they’re thought to be too cynical, and people will blame them and say they are just distrusting of all men, and that they’re pathetic. But if they naively believe, then the girls will be called silly and unrealisitic and gullible. So either way, a girl can’t really win. People tell us to just “take it lightly.” Ok, if we’re supposed to take promises lightly, WHY DO YOU CALL IT A PROMISE?? If it were meant to be taken lightly, then DON’T put your word on it, and don’t call it a promise. Call it… a hypothesis. Or a guess. Or a possibility. Or even a “maybe”.

Anyhow, sorry for the tangent. So you may ask, why is he promising? Can’t he just see me tomorrow? Well, not quite. He’s a surgeon up in… Michigan… middle of nowhere. Perfect.

Perfect guy, perfect everything… just wrong location. Both Taiwanese, both in medical fields, both Christian, similar values and perspectives, buuut… thousands of miles away. And I had my experience with long distance relationships (hello, NJTransit!). And this whole promise thing?! I don’t know.

He walks me home that night, and assures me that he will visit. I’m only here for the next weekend, and then I’m out of town for the next 5 weekends until Labor Day. He says we’ll see each other on Labor Day, and then proceeds to say, “Just wait for me.”     I blew up.

“Excuse me?! What right do you have to ask me to wait for you? How dare you? Have you given me any commitment or even anything?! What do you want me to do?! Pine for you?” I got so frustrated that I teared up. I got so angry just remembering not only myself but many other women and my good girl friends that have been hurt in this way. Where a guy asks them to wait, or tells them that they’ll be XYZ… and the girls will keep waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Until they are so disappointed and so angry… and at the same time, their self confidence fails. Thinking, “why isn’t he coming back? calling back? just… back? Am I not good enough? Did I do something wrong?”

Men… When you do this: give false promises, break it, and then never show up again… not only is it deceitful, hurtful, and cowardly, do you know what you do to the woman??

1. She can’t stop obsessing. She will drive herself nuts. No. Don’t try to tell her to stop and that it’s her own fault. She can’t. Most of us can’t. We will try to be distracted, and succeed for a short period, and somehow, the thought will creep right back into our brains.

2. We will question all of our actions and dissect every last detail of our past interactions with you to try to figure out what went wrong, to try to assess blame on the right moment, dialogue, thing… ANYTHING!

3. You break her. Not her heart, but her trust in men. She will have less trust for the next one that comes along. Maybe even one that actually means it.

Does she think you suck? Yes, eventually. But many times, she’ll still take your call. Does she think your a coward (which is the correct thing she should do)? No. She will initially cast blame on herself, and rack her brain, and torment herself.

Anyhow, sorry for the rant.

Come Monday morning, and he calls me. He has bought a ticket… for this weekend to Philly. To take me out. “It’s just a date. I want to take you out on a date.”
“Wait, I thought you had a wedding to go to this coming weekend?” Apparently, he canceled it because he wanted to come to Philly more.

I guess if the man is flying all the way over, buying a $897 plane ticket, he might just be for real.

(will update what happens. He arrives Friday afternoon)

Born Again

Seeing this video just makes me really want to fly there right now.

I know that’s pretty impulsive… maybe I should put some more thoughts to this. Maybe I can build into the message that I’m leading during worship this Sunday.

It’s inspiring, but also rude awakening. Actually, no. It’s not quite waking me up as much as brutally reminding me.

As I teach an expensive summer program for prep school kids at an Ivy League school, I look at this video and I’m wondering what I’m doing.

Today is my one year anniversary! The Lessons I’ve learned

This blog is turning one year old! I broke up with my long-time-boyfriend/almost-fiance exactly one year ago… after I found out he was cheating. And to help heal, I started this blog. Today is my one-year single anniversary.

I remember a year ago I was in so much pain that I wasn’t able to verbally recount what had happened. So I started a blog, this blog, and would direct my family and close friends to it. I didn’t have the heart to tell them what happened in person. I knew everyone would be shocked, angry, saddened, everything. I couldn’t bear it. I also wasn’t able to keep from crying when I recounted the events of the night I had found out he was cheating.

It’s been exactly a year. I realized I’ve changed and grown so much. God has been so loving and gracious over the last year, as He helped me get back on my feet and continue walking forward. On this journey that consists of God and me.

I’ve learned so much more of God and His characteristics. I’ve seen myself in so much pain, physical pain and heartache pain. I’ve found that wounds heal, but with time and care. I found that when people are hurting, we make rash decisions.

I understand why I had to go through this, even though at first I questioned why a loving God would allow me to experience this. I learned that excessive crying can lead to spontaneous nosebleeds. And that when I’m sad, I don’t want ice cream or chocolate. When I’m sad, I can’t eat (even being the foodie that I am), and food tastes like cardboard. I learned that God has blessed me with my parents, church families (both in Pittsburgh and Philadelphia), friends from school and around the city of Philadelphia that love me dearly. I’ve learned that these people around me may show me love in various ways, but they are ultimately there for me when I’m shredded into pieces and completely face down on the ground, with no strength to stand up and carry onward.

I’ve learned that forgiveness is a long road, and not always instant. I realize that though I’m a strong woman, I have to allow myself time to heal. I realize that distraction may help ease the pain sometimes, but quiet times with God and His Words are the aloe vera and healing cremes that heals and protects the wound. I’ve witnessed my friends come to my aid and help when I have no strength to even cry out.

Mmm, yes. Lots of learning. Lots of struggling, but lots of growth. I’m thankful for this year of growth. It was painful, but it was so worth it. I’m thankful for this year of discovering God in a different light and also discovering myself. I’m thankful for my friends and family for walking with me through this treacherous time and being a blessing to me and my walk in life. 🙂

“Girls have all the power”

Conversation with one of my buddies.

My buddy Sean and I were hanging out with a bunch of friends, and I mentioned that in the dating world, I feel that men have all the power. But Sean was very against that statement, he declares, “Are you kidding?! Girls have all the power!”

So he told me his story. He was supposed to meet Sara for a date, on Monday, and all throughout the day, they were texting and confirming plans. Come 6pm, Sean texts Sara, “I’ll pick you up at 7pm?” And no response…

Alright, whatever. Sean brushes it off. Wednesday, Sara starts texting Sean again and is very apologetic, and says that she really wants to see him. Sean agrees, trying to give this a second chance. They make plans for Friday. And in the days and hours leading up to Friday, Sara continually texts Sean to let him know that she’s really excited about the date and really looking forward to seeing him and being with him. (Acting all committed…)

Anyone want to guess what happened on Friday?

2 hours before the date, she is unreachable via text. Sean is completely furious and confused. “Whatever, I’m done.”

Good for you, Sean!

Sara, what are you doing?!?! If you’re canceling on a date, then SAY SO! Don’t just NOT show up! Did you suddenly meet someone else? Maybe you got back with an ex. Maybe you were never that excited to see him. Then don’t lead him on and tell him you were so excited to see him. Stop jerking people around! Stop pulling a guy move! (Just kidding…)

Ok, Sean, I see your point. But I still don’t think girls have ALL the power. I think some people are just very vague and inconsiderate and rude. It doesn’t necesarily mean that they have power or the last say, it just means that they’re unreasonable. And if you’re a reasonable person, it’s just hard to work with them/make any sense of their actions.