Guys, we apologize for letting you wait outside the bathrooms.

I was at a bar and restaurant. Saw a guy just standing by himself outside the restroom. I think he’s been standing there for awhile. I went in, saw a girl at the mirror. “Ahh,” I think, “He must be waiting for her. Ok, that makes sense.”

A few minutes later, I come out, and she’s still there. Now she’s texting on her phone.

I finish washing my hands, adjusting my hair/clothes, whatever.. and curiously peek over at her from the reflection of the mirror. Now she’s standing in front of the full length mirror. Not really sure what she’s up to now.

I can’t keep staying in the bathroom. I have nothing left to do. (unlike this busy bathroom girl…)

I walk out. The poor guy is still standing outside, waiting. I sit back down with my friends. Few minutes later, I turn around to peer at the entrance of the bathroom. THE GUY IS STILL WAITING!!!

Finally, they leave together.

What?!

Why would she make him wait so long?
Ok, let’s break this down.

1. He’s her boyfriend-
Ok, this is the easier scenario. She’s just really ignorant and not very thoughtful. The poor guy is waiting by himself, it’s boring and he’s just standing there, with nothing to do. Either the girlfriend asked him to wait for her there, or they were about to leave, so he no longer has a table or whatever to wait at. Regardless, if your boyfriend is waiting outside, why are you taking your sweet time, moving at glacier pace? To double check yourself in 3 mirrors, text on your phone, do whatever it is you’re still doing in the mirror….?

2. He’s NOT her boyfriend-
So this gets complicated.
a. She’s super nervous because she really really likes him. So in double checking everything about herself. She’s texting her friends, because she’s so excited but nervous and scared, and she needs the encouragement and comfort of her friends. Meanwhile, she’s too overwhelmed by excitement to realize that he’s actually waiting for her outside, and this is a total turn-off.

b. She’s interested in this guy, but there’s someone else. So she’s taking her time, since apparently he worships her, so why not make him squirm a bit. In the meantime, she has her options, so she texts the other guy, and she’s loitering in the bathroom to figure out what she wants to do. Go meet up with the other guy? or leave with this poor guy standing outside the bathroom.

c. She’s completely uninterested in this guy. And is trying to lose this guy, using all forms of hinting possible (think: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days). She takes forever in the bathroom, tries to make him annoyed, uncomfortable, etc. Everything she can possibly do without actually just telling him straight up.

Honestly, ladies, when there’s a gu waiting outside for you, even if he’s annoying, and even if you’re not interested, please don’t make him wait for 20-30 minutes by himself outside. This is why girls are infamous for “taking forever”, which is not always true.

Meanwhile, guys, we apologize we make you wait. Sometimes, it’s simply because we ran into a friend in the bathroom, or had to take a private call, etc. But other times, it could be because we’re trying to send signals, or because we’re acting shady (two-timing… or multiple ones)…

So, the bathroom trick. Honest mistake and just some inconsiderate selfishness/self-absorbedness? Or something else?

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Why do you guys and girls tear each other down like that?

Recently, I met a guy in the business school. Great guy. Funny, smart, nice and gentle. At the same time, I met a group of these business students, which included girls as well. These girls somehow took an immediate liking to me, and have somehow adopted me to be their new favorite little sister. This should be no problem, right?

Wrong.

The girls tell me all this dirt on this guy. That he’s a slut, and he’s a complete jerk. That only use women for sex. etc etc… the dirt list goes on, with actual “testimonies” from their friends.
OMG~ I’ve only known the whole crew for less than 2 days, and already, the dirt is coming out.

I see the guy later on, and confront him about what I’ve heard, and all these stories that are quite compelling. He is very upset and annoyed. He insists that he had told these girls up front that he isn’t interested in a relationship with them. And that both people were supposedly on the same page. He’s very honest with me. Tells me the same stories, but from his side. He tells me the exact friends that these girls had brought up to me were crazy, had issues, etc etc. I sense the frustration. I feel bad for him. But at the same time, all this drama?! What the hell? I’ve only known you guys for 2 days!

Then he proceeds to tell me that these girls that have taken me in as their “sister” are sluts and sleep around. And they’re just bitter because none of the guys they sleep with actually want to date them. And so they’re about to graduate with their MBA from Wharton, and they still haven’t found a husband. Thus they are pissed off and bitter.

?!?!

Ok, so let me get this straight. The guys call the girls sluts and desperate for a husband, and the girls call the guys man-whores and jerks who treat women like crap.

WTH, peoples!! You guys are around your 30’s!! What is with all this battering and slandering! Why do you guys do this to each other??

Why do guys and girls do this to each other?

(rest of the story to come…)

Non-single guys: Why do you flirt? and girls: why do you flirt back?

Ok, strange question? Let me back up and explain why.

Dennis, great guy, beautiful and on his way to graduate from medical school and make some big bucks. Smart, funny, charming. And oh my goodness, does he get so much attention from girls, and he flirts right back, just as strongly. He seeks out the fun cute girls and talks to them all. Such an attractive guy.

But oh my, you could never have guessed from his behavior that he’s had a long term girlfriend for the longest time. And it’s not long distance either. She’s right here, in Philadelphia, and moreover, in the same school.

Dennis, why in the hell are you flirting with other girls then? Is she not enough for you? Does she just not “cut it” for you?

And girls, why are you flirting with him? Don’t you realize that this is the most unpromising, no-potential for future ever?

You spend your whole night fawning after him, talking with him. Meanwhile, missing out on all the other opportunities around you (you know, the other SINGLE men). And here’s the punch: at the end of the night, he goes home. Not with you. Nope. He goes home to his girlfriend. And you? Well, you’re still by yourself, wasted your whole evening, and missed out on meeting new people, guys and girls alike. Oh, wait, but you did do something good, you boosted his ego, you helped him feel better about himself.

Girls, you’re the only loser in this situation. You gave him your full attention, and he grabs it right away, but then he goes home to another, and you’re still by yourself. Stop dreaming. He will not leave his girlfriend for you. No. He flirts with every girl (even ones with boyfriends). I don’t know why he’s flirting with so many girls if he has a girlfriend. But the main thing is: you need to stop giving him your attention and time. You have so many more things you can be doing.

Stop flirting back with the guy who isn’t single and is overly eager to flirt. In the end, you’ll just be chasing an empty dream. And you don’t want to be a home-wrecker, so you just faithfully follow him around, like a puppy. Stop being the puppy.

He chose her, not you. There’s a reason. Remember: “we’re not the exception, we’re the rule” (from “He’s Just Not Into You”).

Is there such a thing as dating addictions?

Recently been talking to a friend who’s been trying to quit smoking, and has thus far been clean for 3 months! (Congrats!!)

Went into the discussion of people being addicted to love, or moreso, dating. Talked to a bunch of people and asked for opinions and thoughts.

People love dating (the fun parts), it’s exhilarating, it’s thrilling and exciting and the novelty is just wondrous. However, when the time comes to stop dating multiple people, and only have one person, for a long time… people start to hesitate.

So how is smoking like dating, you ask?

Well, first of all, if you’re really self reflective, you’ll find yourself quite fed up with yourself. Like smoking, you don’t realize you’re doing it more and more and more, and you’re depending on it more and more and more. By the time you realize, you try to quit, but you can’t. And every time you relapse, you’re annoyed and pissed off at yourself.

So my friend who has successfully quit smoking, was going through this turmoil of being fed up as well as being controlled by cigarettes, so he went and found a smoke counselor, someone who helps you quit.

First thing the counselor asked him was to mark down WHEN he was more likely to smoke, and try to find trends. And this is what he found:
1. When he was alone
2. When he was bored

Ah, how interesting, sounds like us when we date. When are you most likely to go on dates or call up an ex-date or even just an ex? Probably when you’re alone and feeling quite bored (read: lonely).

Next, she asked him to stop hanging out with his smoker friends, or at least spend less time with them. Because that constant stimulus is a strong temptation to fall back again, and indirect peer pressure is also a strong influence.

That makes sense. If we hang out with friends who are always dating multiple people, or are always talking about meeting guys and girls, or about that new date/new guy/new girl, etc…. It makes us fall into that mindset and start thinking in that realm as well. So if your friends are obsessed with dating, that will make you obsessed, and thus, addicted as well.

Finally, she told him that he just can’t own any cigarettes. If he has any, he should throw them out. So therefore, when he feels the urge to smoke, he’ll be forced to bum it off someone else, which decreases the incentive when the urge comes.

Hmm, how does that apply? Well, delete people’s numbers and contacts, thus making it increasingly difficult when the dating urge comes up. But what about new numbers? Just don’t take them.

Interesting.

Hmm. So maybe I’m going to try to quit dating for a bit. Let’s see how this goes.

Guys: Why do you wait 1, 3, 5 days before calling?

Yes, it’s the age-old rule of calling a girl.

If you get a girl’s number, you don’t call her until 1 day later, or 3 days later, and if you’re really controlled, 5 days later.

Oh yea, that’ll make you look really awesome as a guy.

Psych.
Whoever told you that didn’t want you to get the girl. (Except¬† now, the girls have clued in on this tactic, so we can count, and by how many days you wait, we also have a theory of what type of guy you are).

When you get a number, and you don’t call… here are some inner thoughts.

Let’s first divide it into two categories. 1. the girl is interested. 2. the girl wasn’t interested, but was willing to give you a try. (there’s no #3. sorry. If she wasn’t interested, she wouldn’t have given you a number, or at least a real one…)

1. She’s actually interested. But you’re an idiot and don’t call until you do the 1,3,5 rule. Consequence?

a. She thinks your not interested. She’s kinda bummed, but she only knew you for 2 hours, so… she forgets you.
b. She wonders if you’re playing that rule thing, about waiting 1,3,5¬† days. She figured you were cool, but now rethinks her judgment, since you’re a guy that plays “mind games”. So, nevermind. She’s moving on.
c. She figures you were too drunk to even remember that you took her number. Oh well. Out of sight, out of mind.

2. She’s wasn’t that interested, but was willing to get to know you more. (aka. give you a shot)

a. You don’t call. She wasn’t that keen. She completely forgets meeting you.
b. She wasn’t that keen, now figures you’re a jerk, who either plays games or was sleazy. You’re out. She’s not interested.
c. Any chance you had to impress her, you lost it.

So… by waiting, and playing these games, actually only hurts you. Especially to those awesome girls you find? And you really want to impress and take out? But you decide to play this “waiting game”? Guys, c’mon. Seriously.

If you think she’s an awesome girl, don’t you think other people will, too? And chances are, as you wait around, trying to “play hard to get”, you’re actually “un-impressing” her in the process, as well as allowing other guys (who are more straightforward, with no games attached) to get access to her, and swoop her right out from under your nose. You lose in this game.

That is, unless you’re certain and you’re all that and more. Then by all means, cards are in your hands. You call the shots, and can call her back whenever you want.

But if you’re a cool honest guy, that just met a girl, who may be the girl of your dreams… well.. at least kind of an awesome girl… then you might want to pick up that phone and call/txt her as soon as you can. Don’t let her forget you. Because trust me, “out of sight, out of mind” applies here.