Hm, so there are some people that use the “sneak up close and then go for the kill” idea.
And I really don’t think it works. Well, at least for me.
I like to get to know a guy better, gradually. But if you make it so that we dissolve into buddy0type friends, then it’s gone.
I’m frustrated, because I don’t understand why, but my attraction dies down when the interaction becomes very buddy-ish. And then when they want to switch over to the romantic sense, it just doesn’t work. This is crazy.
It’s almost the ladder theory, but kind of working in reverse.
It’s not that I’m putting them on the friend ladder, but it’s as if they put themselves on the friend ladder. But then they had ulterior motives all the time. And after putting themselves on the friend ladder, they want to jump back on the romantic ladder.. but don’t they know? that it doesn’t work??
Unfortunately, it doesn’t matter who puts the guy on the girl’s “friend” ladder. As soon as he’s on there, it’s kinda gone after that. So then the question that begs to be answered is: “Why put yourself there on the first place? Did you really think there was going to be some miraculous redemption?”
If you were interested in the first place, DON’T PUT YOURSELF ON THAT LADDER!
It could be because I had broken up, and they’re trying to be the “nice, comforting friend”. But while that is really great to have, they don’t realize by putting themselves in that position, it’s quite dangerous. Because if you slip and fall, you’ll accidentally land yourself in the pit. End.
So I guess the tricky part for a guy is:
1. How to keep the attraction/chemistry there
2. How to not come off too strong (esp if she just got out of a relationship)
3. How to act sensitive, understanding, patient, etc (all those “ideal guy” stuff…) without accidentally being bumped to the “friend” category
4. Maintain that “possibility”
5. and finally, when the time comes, approach her, and not have her be PISSED at you, because the so called friend-technique can be viewed as deceptive and sneaky and sleazy!
Yes. That is the truth.
Men, the friend technique usually does not work. Because it seems sneaky and deceptive. So as the girl, we’ll feel that we really trusted you and counted on you, all altruistic reasons, and later we found out that you were just doing it to get close to us and get us to put down our guard. No, that is NOT romantic. It’s creepy, it’s lying, it’s tricking us. Cutting us down when we are most vulnerable and hurting and needing a friend. You are the wolf in a sheepskin! You act like the friend and then go in for the kill. Lies! Ulterior Motives. Nasty.
If you’re interested, say so! Make your intentions clear. Keep that distance. Don’t go for the “friend” position. Your resume/objective does not fit that job description.
If you’re worried you’re coming off strong, let her know you’ll wait, as long as she needs. But that you’re NOT there to be just a friend.
Do NOT try to put yourself in the friend ladder/pool and expect to redeem yourself later, and come back to becoming a romantic interest. It’s gone. the opportunity came, and left. swoosh. kiss it goodbye.
If you’re interested, DO NOT try the friend technique, she will just be disgusted by your fake front, ingenuity of a friendship, ulterior motives, and most important, trying to go the back way/shortcut. You have no guts! Why can’t you be a man and be up front about your motives? Why hide? behind lies, facades, and layers of costumes and masks?
If you’re interested, make it known. Otherwise, there are two endings:
1. You are in the friend category, never to return. And the chance has left to tell her you’re interested. You’re forever “just friends”.
2. You muster up the courage to tell her you’re interested. She’s disgusted by you and feels that you’ve been creepy and deceptive. She can never trust you again. Hates your guts. Thinks that you’re dishonest and a sneaky coward.
“But what if I’m shy?” you say. Think of other ways. Keep your distance. Just don’t go the “friend” route. It fails. Promise.