My own blog woke me up!

The very next day after I broke up, I was kind of mopey and sad, and missed him a lot. Some of my friends had told me before that my early entries in this blog really helped them when they were going through breakups and the grieving process.  So, I went back to my own entries from July (July) and started reading, seeing if I can glean some comfort or encouragement or something from it.

I started reading, and I started crying.

I guess our brains have the amazing ability to help you “move on” after enduring pain, but still have an optimistic view in life. I realized as I had healed and happily moved on, that I forgot how much pain I was in during that time of break up (from the previous ex, the cheating one).  As I read, I remembered how much agony I had been in. It shocked me so much how much intensity I was going through! But then, here I am, still alive and healthy and happy.

I was crying and reminiscing how those days were horrible, and how food tasted like cardboard (The pain begins), and how even the thought of a new relationship made me want to vomit (That puke-y feeling), how I felt like an empty sound, and how I would sometimes have no strength to even stand up (I can’t leave).

And then I jumped back into reality and saw where I am. Wow. I can do this. This mopey feeling is nothing compared to the excessive crying and feeling of desolation, and then later leading to a nose bleed (yes, crying too much causes swelling and increases likelihood of random nosebleeds, I don’t like crying).

I guess the blog was helpful for myself… because I’m reminded how God and I had survived through those painfully sorrowful times. Now,  I have the same God and the same grace. And this break up was 100 times more peaceful and thoughtful!


One thought on “My own blog woke me up!

  1. Enjoyed reading this post. It gives me hope that I’ll feel the same way in the future. You sound like you’re in a great place – spiritually and emotionally. =)

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