This morning, I was reading Acts 14. And I came across this:
“They stoned Paul and dragged him outside the city, thinking he was dead. 20But after the disciples had gathered around him, he got up and went back into the city. The next day he and Barnabas left for Derbe.”
Isn’t it amazing that Paul got stoned to near death and then after a few moments, he just stood up and walked away, as if nothing had happened! Other than Paul zealous nature and love for God, I think by seeing Paul, another thing I realize is that God probably helped Paul be able to just stand right back up, brush himself off, and keep walking.
I need to rely on God’s strength to help me stand back up. I think I’m strong and I want to act strong (as if “it’s only 6 months, and it’s not that big a deal, and I can get over it fast”). But really, that’s just lying, and bad wound healing and trying to cover it up makes the healing process even more difficult. I think I need to admit that I am hurt, and I do need healing. And regardless a long or short relationship, today, I had let a person into my life and my heart, and thus of course it would be hurtful when the person exits, no matter how they exited from my life.
I have to be humble, and present my pain and hurts to God and ask for healing and strength. I need to present myself completely helpless, and not try to stand strong or something. I think that’s why the healing with the prior cheating ex was so effective. Because I was so hurt to the core that I really couldn’t pretend I was okay, I was a complete wreck. But this time, because of pride (like, “I’m over you really fast”) I don’t even let myself process it, grieve for it, and properly address it and heal it. Thus getting into a mind trap (I keep thinking over it).
I need to wake up and smell the coffee. I was just in a break up. Of course it’s going to hurt, and of course it’s going to be miserable for a bit. Don’t avoid it, don’t hide. “Allow yourself to touch and feel the pain, don’t be scared by it.” (as my mom said from my first break up). Let the process begin.