I’ve recently realized, that for women, closure may mean to talk everything out, and reach some type of understanding. But for men, closure may not require such things. Sometimes, they just need some time, let if fade, and slowly work back into the relationship. So what about the problem? No need to hash it out and talk it over and reach some sort of agreement? Nope. They leave it as is. Don’t touch it, don’t talk about it.
Hmm, as a woman, that leaves me infinitely uncomfortable.
“But what about the misunderstandings? And the miscommunications? How can we prevent this from happening again? Are we okay now?!”
So many questions are flooding through our heads. But the guys? This is how some see it:
“Well, I now know that this is a topic of disagreement, or when I do this, she’ll get upset.” or “I now realize this is a touchy subject, and will try to steer clear of it.”
And then…. that’s it.
Seriously. That’s it.
They see no need to revisit and reopen the whole issue and to talk about it and reach a common understanding.
For us, we like to verify: “Does this make you upset? How can I avoid this in the future, and how can WE work together?”
I guess guys just take it upon themselves that they’ve gathered enough information to avoid it, and it’s their own responsiblity, not about working together or anything, but that they themselves, alone, will figure out a way, and brave it alone.
So maybe that’s the reason why women need closure through talking and hashing it through. Whereas men just come to a conclusion in their own heads (regardless if it’s verified or not), and then go on out to execute.
So maybe it’s not really “getting over” persay. Perhaps it’s more big-headed, thinking they have the answers and the solution?