Jealousy or Competition?

The story starts out on a birthday.

Amanda is having a huge party at this restaurant lounge and bar. 60+ of her friends are there, as is her boyfriend. Halfway through the party, she is completely drunk and one of her guy friends, Brad, is whispering in her ear and giggling around with her. Her boyfriend is not too happy at this scene, so taps Amanda and tries to get her to snap out of it. She has no idea what he’s talking about, so the boyfriend grabs her wrist and tells her to stop. Amanda starts crying. She’s in the bathroom puking and crying with her friends trying to console her.

The boyfriend and a few friends end up taking her home and the boyfriend volunteers to stay with her over night, however, he ditches around 2am. Amanda wakes up around 3am, puking again, and by herself, scared because she has no idea what had just happened. She tries to call her boyfriend but he doesn’t pick up. He finally texts her to just go back to sleep, everything will be okay.

Next morning is horrible for her. She tries to get in touch with the boyfriend, but he still isn’t answering. Finally he calls her, and tells her what happened. Except… she has NO recollection. She can’t remember Brad being all touchy with her, she can’t remember the crying, or the  fighting.

They boyfriend uses this to his advantage and continues to accuse her that she disrespected him in front of all her friends by being flirty with Brad. She apologizes over and over again, saying that it’s all her fault and she’s sorry, she shouldn’t have gotten so drunk. The boyfriend says he wants a break up. Amanda is startled. Breaking up just over this? Plus when she was drunk? And during her birthday!?

Amanda is in shock and also at a loss, since she has no memory of the events that happened that night, she has no way to explain, defend, or do/say anything towards his accusations.

She talks to one of her guy coworkers. And this is what he explains.

Guys aren’t just being jealous in this situation. It’s now become a competition. The boyfriend views Brad as taunting him and being smug that he “got” his girl. The boyfriend is angry and feels disrespected because he feels Amanda is letting him lose in the competition by flirting with Brad. So instead of simple jealousy, this has now become a competition and Amanda has become an object.

So that gets me thinking. So the source of jealousy for girls really is jealousy. But for men, can it be that more than jealousy, it’s more like a competition? And that the emotions and anger and jealousy that stirs up is due to the competition (over the object/girl). So that the motivation and incentive is NOT jealousy itself, but the competitive nature between men that stirs up fights and arguments and bad blood?

I know it seems almost the same thing, but if you think about it, it’s slighty different. They may be expressed similarly, but the base of the two are different. Jealousy is spurred by wanting something that you don’t have or upset that someone gets something you don’t have. Competition is wanting to win, regardless if that item was yours or not yours (or if there even is a prize). Competition is overlooking to award/prize and just focusing on beating your competitor.

So simply said, Amanda could be there or not there, but the competition is between the two men, who’s main goal is not “to get Amanda”, but to beat out each other. Somehow, Amanda was the cause of the competition, but eventually, she can be out of the picture. And therefore, Competition is the main source of the conflict and anger, NOT jealousy.



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