My two friends, Molly and Adam have been dating each other for a few months. Molly constantly finds herself crying or in a constant state of fear. Perhaps Adam is being manipulative? How can we tell?
1. He isolates you from your friends and family. By telling Molly that he doesn’t like her family or her friends, makes Molly spend less time with them and more time with Adam. Eventually, she grow distant with her friends and family and can only cling on to Adam.
2. He is incredibly jealous. About her past boyfriends, about old crushes. Anything he can get his hands on, and then he makes Molly feel horrible about her past, which is something that nobody can change. By doing this, Molly feels apologetic to Adam and feels that she has to make up for her “mistakes” in the past. Adam now has one step over Molly.
3. He constantly asks her to stay over. Molly is losing her independence. She was once capable of living by herself, with her own apartment and her own schedule. Now, her life is dictated by Adam’s schedule, since she doesn’t have a key, and must rely on Adam and his schedule to get in and out of the house. Adam also convinces Molly to move a portion of her stuff over. But when they fight, Molly is left with nothing, and being unable to get in the house, she can’t retrieve any of the items she may need.
4. He has vague plans. He wants Molly to constantly be “on call”, in case he wants to hang out with her. But he’s out with his friends, but Molly has to stand by, in case Adam wants her to join them for lunch/dinner or whatever event. But if Adam never calls that day, Molly would have just been sitting around, home alone.
5. Adam tells Molly, “When I talk to you less or when I don’t want to see you at night, that means the relationship is going downhill.” This reinforces a state of fear within Molly, as if she’s constantly walking on thin ice. Therefore, Adam has successfully gained control of the relationship. He is the one that calls the shots and determines when things are good and when things are going downhill.
If your relationship sounds like this… try to communicate and change the stakes, or GET OUT FAST!