I don’t think it’s fair when every time a couple fights, one person threatens to leave.
That is so hurtful and so scary.
We blame each other about insecurities. But what if, just what if, our attitudes and threats are the origins of our partner’s insecurities in the relationship? Then who can you blame?! No one else but ourselves!
Every time you want to threaten to leave, don’t do it. Stop yourself. Hold you tongue. Swallow those words back down. Try to say things in a different way. Too many “ultimatums” and threats will someday come true. And you’ll be the one clawing for a way back and asking to rebuild that bridge. But too late, because that bridge had been slowly torn apart and broken down day by day, month by month, year by year from all your empty threats to leave.
If you say you love them, then be it. Don’t just say it. Stay and fight. Stay and work things out. Threatening does nothing. In fact, it shows that you have nothing left to use, and can only always reach for your trump card. A trump card of manipulation. To try to scare the other person in conforming to your ways and your desires.
If you really love them, actually try to work it through. Stop throwing out your trump card every new moon. Stop breaking the bridge that you’re trying to build. Are you doing more damage than growth in your relationship?
Every time you threaten to leave, you’re damaging “us” just a bit more.