Today is my birthday! 🙂
Thank you thank you, well-wishers!
It brings me back to some “fond” memories of my birthdays in the past few year.
For my birthday in 2007, I still vividly remember. This was the first birthday I had after I started dating my ex. I was so excited! Because it was also my first birthday in Philly!
Unfortunately, my ex had to help out at this church, the exact day on my birthday. So instead of canceling, since there were many others that were helping. He canceled on my birthday. Me, wanting to spend my birthday with him, was trying to make a compromise. So he said, well, if you really want to see me, you can come with me to the event I’m helping out with. I agreed.
So there I was, on my birthday, playing keyboard and singing for a church I had no relationship with. And spending the entire day of my birthday running around NYC and NJ, getting equipment, setting up, doing sound check, doing an extra concert, etc etc. After the whole event, he told his friends who were also helping out that it was my birthday. Another friend, not even my ex, suggested we go get dinner, since we’re all starving. And in the end, got me some ice cream, since, by the way, it’s your birthday. And then I paid for my own share. Really?! Not that I should have far-fetched expectations. But I spent my birthday with a bunch of his friends and doing his event for him.
Meanwhile, back in Philly, my friends were sad that they weren’t able to celebrate my birthday for me/with me. When I came back from NJ/NYC, they had gifts and cards for me, and was telling me that they had plans and dinner reservations to surprise me.
After that, I realized, when it’s my birthday, I will do what I want. You can join me if you wish, but don’t make me run around, and serve YOUR event, when it was my birthday.
People, both men and women, if there’s any day in the year, it should be your birthday. I love my friends, and often plan things which I know my friends will enjoy. But I also enjoy those things as well. Also, I love spending time with many of my friends. So even if it’s a boyfriend, if he’s asking you to leave your friends, and run around doing things for him when it’s really your birthday, well, ask him to wait until it’s not your birthday.
Self-sacrifice and compromises are very important in a relationship. But when you’re the one always compromising, and the other party isn’t even trying (i.e. canceling on you and then telling you “if you really want to see me you can come to me and do what I want”), that’s really not compromising. And it’s not ok.
Love yourself a little bit more, especially when it’s your birthday.
Spend some time telling mom “I love you, and thanks for taking the time and pain to have me ;)”. Then spend time with your friends doing what you love to do.
Don’t be doing things you don’t want to do, and miss out on your birthday, and have to wait a whole other year before it comes by again. You have the other 364 days to do the things you don’t want to do.