Watching an ex flirt with your good friend

So when I was in Chicago, I saw this story play out:

My friend, let’s call her Adrienne, used to date this guy, Ben. Adrienne and I have another friend, Rachel. And at the conference in Chicago, we were all hanging out at happy hours and dinners together.

Rachel has no idea that Adrienne and Ben used to date. Ben starts putting moves on Rachel. Adrienne acts completely, and I really mean, completely, normal. Not even turning a head, or looking over, or anything. No sign what-so-ever that this Ben character used to be something special. Ben has a friend Jared, who’s really good friends with Rachel. So Rachel thinks this is great, her two good friends, Jared and Adrienne are hanging out. And she accepts Ben with open arms because Ben is long time buddies with Adrienne and Jared. Plus, Ben is super sweet and flirty and nice with Rachel. She’s having a good time. (note: there are tons of other friends and people there. So it’s not just the 5 of us, but these are the main players (or culprits) involved.)

It’s getting late, and Adrienne asks Rachel if she wants to all head over to Ben and Jared’s place to hang out a bit more. Rachel isn’t interested in anything special, just wants to have fun and spend time with friends. Agrees, but doesn’t want to get back too late. They’re watching tv and eating pizza till late. Adrienne proposes to Rachel that they should just spend the night at Ben and Jared’s place. Rachel is slightly uncomfortable, as she doesn’t know Ben that well, and both her and Jared are seeing other people (not each other, just other people). But Adrienne makes the case that it’s late and cold and she doesn’t want to head back. And Rachel, wanting to make Adrienne happy as well, complied.

Next thing you know, Adrienne jumps into bed with Ben, leaving Rachel a bit confused. As Rachel had thought she and Adrienne would share a bed and the two guys would share the other queen bed. Not knowing what to say, except asks if anyone wanted to trade beds. With no answer from Adrienne, Rachel eventually gets into bed, and stays very far from Jared, as Rachel knows Jared’s girlfriend very well. Awkward.

Morning comes. Rachel wakes up first, after an awkward and uncomfortable night of restless sleep. She starts to get her things together, she’s determined to leave, now that it’s 8am, with or without Adrienne.

Rachel looks over at Adrienne to see if there’s any chance in waking her to let her know she’s leaving. And sees that Adrienne is now cuddling with Ben. Rachel quickly turns her eyes, having no idea what’s going on, thinking, “oh, maybe Adrienne developed a little crush on Ben over night!”

On her way out, Adrienne stirs, and realizes Rachel is leaving. Stops Rachel, and asks her to wait. So after awhile, Rachel and Adrienne leave together.

On the way back, Rachel playfully jokes with Adrienne, “Ooo~ so what’s the deal with you and Ben? Do you have a crush on him?”

Adrienne giggles a bit, and says, “Oh, we actually used to date. He was the one guy I was completely in love with. And then broke my heart.”

And Rachel and Adrienne are good friends, and Rachel had heard about this guy before, but never met him in person, nor could she pair up the two stories/characters. She’s shocked, and weirded out, and even more… confused.

She tells me about how their night ended and says, “Can you believe it?!”

My question: Why would Adrienne just let him flirt with Rachel that way? But even after that, Adrienne still wanted to crawl into bed with Ben? And let Ben cuddle with her? And isn’t it strange that Ben disregards Adrienne’s feelings and just flirts with her good friend, Rachel, right in front of her face?!

That is just weird!

One more thing, all these people are from Philadelphia. So why are they getting all cuddly… in Chicago!? when they have all the time in the world, and all the opportunities in the city of Philly, to cuddle here?!


One thought on “Watching an ex flirt with your good friend

  1. Wow! That sounds like a thoroughly complicated situation, and one that could easily have been resolved by everyone being honest with each other. If Adrienne had just let Rachel know that she had had a history with Ben, Rachel probably would have backed off.
    Also, hooking up with exes is, 90% of the time, a bad idea. If they lived very far away from each other and never saw each other, then it could be thrown away as a (probably drunken) one night fling, but if they see each other sometimes, even rarely, it will at best be awkward and at worst bring up old, painful feelings.
    At least you weren’t involved in any of this drama, at least not directly. That’s something to be thankful for.

    Tom Houseman

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