Why doesn’t he call me back?

Ahh, the age old question we love to ask! Whether it be after exchanging numbers with him, or after the first date, or after calling or texting and leaving a message.

Why isn’t he calling me!?

Well, we can always tap into the movie “He’s just not that into you”, or we can ask a few of our trusted male-species friends.

1. Sometimes, they try to create a look of “coolness.” To their male ego, it’s really important for them not to appear too desperate, and they have to keep their cool, and look like they’re not in a hurry, and they’re browsing their options, etc etc. So some guys have a rule, a 3-day or 5-day rule. In other words, they will wait 3 or 5 days before calling a girl, whether it be after a great date, or after exchanging numbers. But I hear that men are more likely to adhere to this rule right after getting the girl’s number.

2. They actually do work. Men, unlike women, sometimes get lost in their work. For better or for worse. But while us as women, our minds keep drifting back to the guy, and we’re constantly checking our phones for texts or missed calls or messages, guys don’t. When they work, they work. It’s not that they don’t care about you. It’s not that their not interested. It’s just that there’s this little thing called: WORK. And in order for them to make a living, and actually have money to take you out on nice dates, they need to be at work, 100% at work. While women multi-task, and can have 50 million things on their minds at once, men don’t. Even asking husbands and wives, in the morning, the husbands go into work, and they’re gone until they come home in the evening. Don’t expect constant emails or phone calls from the office. Don’t expect little texts and notes. (This may happen in the very beginning, called the honeymoon phase… But men are workers, and they’re good workers. They take pride in their jobs and they are 100% focused and driven at work, well, most men are, but let’s not get into the exceptions, once again.)

3. They’re deciding. Chances are that there are other girls that he may be talking to. And perhaps you’re at the top of the list right now. But he really needs some time to think and debate, and list out the pros and cons… (let’s cross our fingers that they actually put THAT much thought into it.) Bottom line, he needs some time to sort out his thoughts. And if he wants more with you, he may also be starting to distance himself with the other women. So maybe he’s already leaning towards you. But you’re constant obsessing and worrying, and eventually your stalker attitude, will not help the situation.

4. He’s interested, but he’s worried you’re not. He waiting for you to make the next move. Call the man a coward, because he might be, but maybe he’s just respectful. He doesn’t want to come off too strong. He’s like to give you space and time. If he asked you out the first time, perhaps he’s waiting for you to take the initiative for the next one.

5. He’s gentle and maybe not as confident. I understand that confidence is an important and sexy trait, but not everyone is borne with it, especially when it comes to matters with the opposite sex. Maybe he needs a bit of encouragement from you. Maybe he needs some affirmation on your end. If you’re waiting for him to call you, maybe he’s waiting for you to call him. Remember that AT&T commercial? Where the guy was waiting for the girl to call him the whole week? (and AT&T showing that they always have bars everywhere, so you don’t need to worrying about missing that “important” phone call.)

6. He’s busy, because he has a life. He’s busy with his family, his friends, maybe he’s divorced and has kids… who knows?! But perhaps he does something other than sit around next to the phone all day, thinking about calling or not calling you. He had a college reunion to go to, he had things planned with his buddies, he has a business trip, or going to watch a Phillies game… Whatever it is, he may be really busy for the next couple of days. He likes you, and wants to see you again. But first, he has to finish all his work and other appointments.

7. He forgot. Don’t be upset. He’s interested. But right as he was about to call, things came up, one after another after another. Once he settles back down, he’ll remember and call. Hasn’t that ever happened to us? We really love our grandmas or brothers and sisters, and we were meaning to call them this week to wish them happy birthday or to wish them a speedy healing in the hospital, but we were swamped with things and tasks bombarding our limited 24-hour days, and so we forget… until a week later. (that’s why there are “belated happy birthday” cards.. even online ones!)

8. Maybe you just got out of a relationship, and he’s worried you’re not ready yet. Perhaps he really would like to get to know you better, but is on the fence about where you stand. Obviously, talking about these sensitive issues on a first date is quite impossible (unless you’re just that open and comfortable with sharing your own personal stories). Otherwise, maybe he would like to know you as a friend first, perhaps he has concerns. Maybe he doesn’t know what to do next. Wherever you stand, maybe help him out and let him know. Invite him for coffee? Casual hang out?

9. Perhaps, as the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” depicts, he’s just not interested. I’m not ruling that out. It’s quite possible, especially if you wait for awhile, and if you also tried contacting him.

10. BLANK. I’m leaving this one blank, because instead of creating a complete 10 reasons list, I think there are always exceptions and different situations and circumstances. This one is left blank because you may be able to fill this one out yourself. And perhaps no one else has the same occurrence, but that doesn’t matter. There’s a reason we’re all created differently…

Point being, there are many possiblities. It could be he’s just not interested. But before you go ahead and put yourself down, think about this: It could be he’s interested, and he just needs some time to call. Give him some time. But don’t wait around. And don’t obsess over “why he’s not calling” for like 20 times in one day. Its not worth it. Be the man. Do your work, and give it 100%. Hang out with your friends and family and give them 100% of your attention. Honestly, guys will come in and out of your life. But you friends and family are there to stay and support you. Also, you spend so much time worrying about him, you miss out on life, and all the fun things to do and play when you’re single! And, moreover, you may just miss out on the next best thing that walks into your life!


3 thoughts on “Why doesn’t he call me back?

  1. Hi!
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    Could you please contact us at the email so we can send you more information?

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    Sarah Yu

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