“Lies are like onions, every layer makes someone cry, under every layer of lies there are still more under, you never know how many layers are still to come. Do us all a favor, quit lying.”
My younger brother actually said that, after he was cheated on by his ex.
What makes people lie?
Is it greed? Wanting it all, so we cheat and lie to get our way. Or is it fear? Fear of what may happen if we are truthful to the other person, even truthful to ourselves? Is is ignorance and being naive? Thinking that by making up a little lie will help conflict pass away and disappear? But meanwhile, the layers start building, the fabricated story becomes a whole saga and a novel. It hurts. Every layer of it hurts. Not only does it hurt the people around us, but it hurts ourselves the most.
Why do we lie? What’s so fearful and aversive about the truth?
Is it a hidden agenda? So when you lie, you can get what you want and look how you want to appear, as opposed to just being honest?
Why do we play games this way? Eventually, its not even a game anymore. It becomes a conspiracy, it becomes this whole master plan. The guilt may consume the liar, and the lies may destroy the victim who bought into those lies.
If there is no good in lying, why do we lie?! And strangely enough, we lie the most in relationships and in love. And that is probably the most important place for honesty, trust, truth and openness, and transparency. Why do we kick ourselves in the shin? Why do we sabotage ourselves, and then run in circles in the journey of love? And we are lovesick, we are heartbroken, we are giddy, we are infatuated with love and then swallowed up in sadness. But did we do all this to each other? Are we just cycling through each other’s pains and hurt and lies and mistakes?
If its a negative cycle, how can we break out of it?
What negative cycle, you ask? Even if we stay honest and truthful and try our best to keep the integrity of the relationship and ourselves, as well as give our partners the utmost respect, what can ensure that our partners will do the same for us? Because in the case that we preserve the integrity of the relationship, the day that our partners break that trust, and shatter us completely, will we someday become that liar and the dishonest one, to shatter the next partner who comes into our lives?
How can we break away from this cycle?