Not Settling for anything less than Everything?

So as young girls, we are told to keep our standards high. Yet later when we grow up, people sometimes tell us that our standards are too high. But didn’t you just set me up 15-20 years ago telling me that I needed to keep my standards high? Didn’t you just show me those Disney films about Prince Charmings and Happy Endings and Happily Ever Afters?

So is right for us to say we are not settling for anything than everything? Or are we just being unreasonable?

Sometimes, when we break up, our friends will say, “He wasn’t good enough for you anyway. You had too low standards. You should never go with someone who is XYZ, ever.” But sometimes, if you break up with a person your friends like, they might say, “Man, you have too high standards. Even though he had some flaws, he was great in this and that and this and that! You can’t have it all, you know? You need to be realistic.”

And if we go to the section of “how he treats you” then that’s a whole new crazy debate. “He should treat you like his princess/queen.” “You guys should act as equal. You can’t be too demanding. Its equal opportunity all the way.” “He should be thoughtful of you, but you should be thoughtful of him.” But till when? When is he just being insensitive and hurtful? And when is it that we’re just too whiny and demanding, and becoming that high maintenance girl?    And, not to make it even more difficult, how can we figure this out in the first few dates? When both sides are on their best behavior?

People around us are constantly bombarding us with their “objective” viewpoints. But the result? We are QUITE confused!

We know that God has someone prepared for us, but then there’s the advice that “if we set our own standards too high, then we will miss out on God’s plan, since we’re too busy following our own plan.” So we then should have faith and trust in God. Yes, but does that mean for us to have absolutely NO standards at all then? I hope not…

So now, the little girls have grown up. And we need to be able to discern between good men and bad men, matching relationships and mismatching ones, healthy and fruitful relationships and harmful and hurtful relationships.

Please help us out. When are our standards too high or too low? And should we keep them up? Or should we be realistic?


3 thoughts on “Not Settling for anything less than Everything?

  1. From a more technical perspective, “standards” are a bogus notion. What people say they want in a mate, and what they actually are drawn toward are two wholly different things. Thus, Man’s #1 gripe against women: “why does she always fall for the ‘bad boy’ and then say there are no decent men in the world?”

    In my opinion, standards are standards. “High standards” corresponds to holding yourself to the standards you set, and “low standards” means you compromise. They don’t, however, define your ideal mate. They are just criteria, and your mate fills in the rest with their own personality.

    An example: my girlfriend is fiercely loyal, and requires the same of me. We are long distance, and we both hold ourselves to speaking (meaningfully) at least once a day. It’s also important that we are career-driven, independent of one another. However, she also laughs at my farts, and doesn’t chide me for biting my fingernails. Those things are not part of her set of standards, but it might be parts of yours. If you were dating me, you’d have to decide if you were going to relax those standards in order to love me.

    Yes, I realize I never actually answered the question.

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