Who pays on a second date?

So, how do we pay on a second date? The guy? The girl? Go dutch? Or each pay what they ordered?

Adam and Eve had a wonderful first date. Adam paid for dinner and Eve paid for dessert. Afterall, despite the Genesis-type names, they were in the 21st century. They plan for a second date. And both were anticipating it greatly.

Second date rolls around. Adam shows up early, 3:30pm, for a dinner date. Shops around the area, since they live in Philadelphia Center City, and asks her if she minds hurrying up her errands to they can eat a bit earlier, since he’s starving. Eve is trying to be thoughtful and agrees and hurries up her originally planned tasks for the unexpectedly early dinner.

They go to a cheap burger joint. Eve isn’t too hungry, as it is now only 4:30pm. But that doesn’t justify Adam asking her, “You’re not eating, right?” when the waiter comes to take their order. She stutters a bit, and asks if she can nibble on some appetizers. They have a good conversation, as Adam tells Eve that his day is suddenly better because he gets to see her again! Oh, how romantic. They finish dinner and Eve gets up to go to the restrooms. She comes back and the table is cleared and the check is in the middle of the table. “Oh, did you pay already? That was fast!” she asks. “No, ” he answers, “I just got change.”

Eve peers over at the bill, which was $28, Adam gets change for his $20. “I hope $14 will be enough for my food and my coke.” Eve doesn’t miss a beat, “Oh sure, yah. Uh huh. That’s fine. I can put the rest on my card.” She ends up paying $19, to also cover for their tax and tip. They sit a bit awkwardly for a moment. After Eve signs the credit card receipt, Adam pipes up, “Listen, I hope you didn’t mind paying. I’d usually try to pay for it, but last Thursday night, I spent way too much money. I bought drinks for everyone. I spent about $200.” Eve replies with sympathy (acting a bit), “Oh yeah. I know. That’s a lot. Yah, it’s okay. I understand.”

Adam walks Eve home, kisses her on the head and cheek, as Eve is reluctant to give him her lips. “Let’s meet up again this week, ” Adam says. “Uh huh. Ya! Sure! Just… let me know!” Eve answers as she turns to walk into her place. They text each other for a bit. Adam tells her she’s been wonderful, and he’s sorry he’s been in a strange mood due to work and all. Eve is only half listening/txting. Way too stunned by what just happened.

WTH!?

what was that?!

Dude. Adam, if you didn’t have enough money after Thursday, why’d you take her out?

Ok, so you just really wanted to see her. But you could’ve been creative. Take a walk in the park. Get ice cream (would be cheaper). Make her dinner (as he apparently had suggested before).

Ok, but you’re really hungry and you need food. You can ask her in the beginning if she’d like to share something. To bring down the cost, because you’re currently short on money. Or you can put down the entire $20 and say “Can you get the rest? Sorry, I’m a bit low on cash.” As opposed to splitting the whole entire bill up by “who got what”.

Or even being upfront about it in the beginning. And saying, “Hey, would you mind if we got separate tabs? I’m just really low on money.” Which is still very strange and rude, but at least she had some warning!

Adam, you seemed like you wanted to see her again, texting her the next few days after. But why would you ruin a date like this!? By asking her to pay, it seemed like you didn’t think she was worth paying for. And even if you found that she wasn’t as interesting as you thought she was, at least pay for the date, but just don’t take her out again. That’s at least the gentlemanly thing to do.

Are you using her for her money? No, that’s just wayy too weird.

Besides, if you can drop $200 in one night, what’s $30 more? Especially if it’s on a girl you’re interested in. Unless you’re saying… “She’s not worth it.” Because if that’s so, then you’re out of your mind. Because she’s my friend!

Jerk!

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6 thoughts on “Who pays on a second date?

  1. wow rough — tell your friend to not date him again! if he’s like that *now* in the beginning, how much worse is it going to get??

  2. Everyone has their own standards. Some think first date split pay. Some think the guy should man up and be a gentleman. I personally would be so embarrass if I ask the girl to cough up even a penny, especially the first date or second date. That’s my standard. If the girl feels the guy is being cheap about it but can tolerate it then address it. If not, I guess just move on. Hehe I’ll keep my name anonymous so I won’t be taken advantage of!

  3. Everyone has their own standards. Some think first date split pay. Some think the guy should man up and be a gentleman. I personally would be so embarrass if
    I ask the girl to cough up even a penny, especially the first date or second date. That’s my standard. If the girl feels the guy is being cheap about it but can tolerate it then address it. If not, I guess just move on. Hehe I’ll keep my name anonymous so I won’t be taken advantage of!

  4. Pingback: Who pays on a second date – Part 2 « The Adventures of a Third Culture Kid

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