I’m driving far far away

I’m in SF. And I’m loving it. But I feel as though I’m traveling far far away as though I’m running away from something.

I don’t think I need to run away from the break up, and the life that I knew with him, a life that I had with him. I was sitting in the car, going from SF towards Napa Valley, and away we drove, into more mountainous areas, away from the city and the gorgeous golden gate bridge, etc. I felt as if it were analogous to me running away, straining forward and forgetting what is behind.

Am I running away from the past? Am I running away from the past lifestyle and everything that I knew? Am I running away from the emotions? Am I running away to distance him and myself? Am I just running to… wake up? to find myself? to numb myself?

What am I running from? What am I running to? And what in the world am I running for?

I don’t want to hide, nor deny what’s happened. So is it that I’m running? Or am I just taking a long-deserved break? A break from thinking, a break from surviving, a break from everything. Going on a temporary vacation and into the shelter and embrace of my loving extended family, to help heal and to help recover.

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