I was just thinking about this. I realized that after the break up, I’m actually realizing that I should be appreciated for who I am, and not always tip-toeing around.
In some of the emails that I found between my ex and the girl were emails that were like, “I can’t be with her. She sucks, you’re so much better. You’re everything I ever wanted…” etc etc. But then I realized, its painful. Painful to be with a man that cannot appreciate you as a whole. He can only appreciate parts of you, parts that he likes, or prefers to notice. But doesn’t appreciate many of the other things that you are, too.
I realized that breaking up is probably a good thing. Not only to know God more through these trials, but also to value and treasure myself. I think there’s a fine line between humility and self-depreciation. And I think your significant other makes a huge swing in this matter.
After becoming single, I realize, as a woman, I have a lot to offer. (not to sound arrogant). But I realized, what’s wrong with wanting to be valued as the whole package, and not just a subset of it? What’s wrong with speaking up, instead of hiding my achievements and hobbies? Just because it might make a guy feel less? Sorry, but that’s no reason for me to downplay and rat on myself. Yes, I like sports, I play sports, I’m good at music, I paint and sketch and love art, I’m smart in sciences and math, I went to top schools, I’m multi-lingual, I’ve traveled the world, I have a close-knit happy family, I’m religious and do a lot of volunteer work, I have many friends, I’m a size 0 and 5’7”, I’m usually a happy and bubbly person, I live in a nice neighborhood, I’m optimistic, and I love life. Don’t only like parts and disdain the others. Don’t favor others while putting me down on the other parts.
Goodness, I hate how you made me feel all these years. You made me feel sorry that I liked to go to museums and loved musicals. You made feel horribly lower than you in music, when you can’t even play my instruments. You made me shameful of my family, because my family and extended relatives are all close with each other and was financially healthy. You made me embarrassed of my lifestyle, even though you were the one who was living on your mother’s money, when I financed my own life. You made me feel guilty for going out to experience life, try different restaurants, see different countries, see different things. Because, you tell me, I shouldn’t want so much.
You looked at my face the night I found out, and mocked me, saying that I try too hard in life. You said you felt sorry for me, because to you, I look pathetic. But guess what? I’m getting a lot more, and because I try, I grow and learn. Perhaps that’ll be something you’ll never understand.