My real wound

Its raining suddenly. I had on flip flops, since it was bright and sunny and very hot the whole day, until 4pm, when clouds suddenly rolled in and it just poured. Gallons of water was pounding down. I dropped off my students, and went home. Trying to dodge the rain, I quickened my step to turn a corner. I slipped, and fell onto the ground. With only one knee that hit the ground, my other foot slid out and scraped the pebbly pavement, and sliced open my big toe.

I cautiously examine my toe, I see a cut, but no blood, just some skin flapping. Hmm, guess I’m lucky? I have thicker skin on the side of my foot next to my big toe.

I continue walking, I’m only a block away from my apartment.

I look down at my foot. Its all red right now. The blood is coming out fast. Holy crap. My foot is gushing blood. I’m starting to limp, because it hurts to walk on it. This one block usually takes less than 2 minutes, its taking me forever to get there. And its still pouring. There are huge puddles, but I can’t jump over them, because that puts more pressure and impact on my foot. Plus, the dirty water will infect my wound. Gross. I’ll just step in it with my other foot. Eww, its warm.

I’m home, I’m drenched, and I’m gushing blood. I’m going to the tub. I need to wash off all the dirt and dead skin as well as the dirty water. Hmm, its kind of stinging. I try using toilet paper, its too thin, the blood is coming too fast. I hop on one foot into the kitchen and get paper towels. Better. But its still not stopping. The bleeding is not stopping.

I start remembering the last entry I had on wound healing. (A mother’s tears) Interesting…

The blood is coming out slower now, I put some ointment on it and put a bandaid on, so I don’t get blood all over my white-beige carpet.

As I’m typing this entry, I can see the blood slowly seeping through the bandaid. There’s a thumping pain. Its dull. But it’s there. I can’t really walk about, I just try to half hop around the house.

Hmm… before, I had a wound in my heart. Now I actually have a physical wound.

Can my luck get any worse? Or perhaps this is a good thing?

I realized that the entry on the wound healing actually is true! Now I have a real wound to experience it. And maybe as my foot’s wound slowly heals, I will also be mindful and wary of how my heart heals.

My heart was slashed open. It didn’t bleed at first. There was just a lot of shock. Then, when I started to walk on it, it started gushing blood. A lot of it. That’s the acute pain, most likely. When I tried to live on without him in my life, my heart was gushing blood. Everything I did took more time now. Before, walking down that block was simple, jumping over puddles were mindless. But now, I couldn’t do it. Not because I didn’t want to, but literally, because I CAN’T.   After a few days, the gushing became dripping. Still bleeding, but much slower. I guess the tissue and paper towels are God’s words and my friends and family’s support. It was putting pressure on my wound to stop the bleeding. Though no matter how fast and how hard you press on it, inevitably there will still be blood that comes out.  Then I put some ointment on it, being careful not to touch the wound too much, and I guess that’s God’s words as well as immersing myself with friends and things I like to do. I put that bandaid on, but that quiet thumping pain (on my foot, its more like a stinging sensation… weird) is still there. And I guess that’s the chronic pain. I can’t really walk on it right now, so I hold myself up with the furniture and walls in my house. And I guess its like right now I really can’t hold myself up right now, so I lean more on friends and such.

Hmm, maybe I got this wound to help me. To help me see the natural process of a wound. And maybe as my foot heals from that nasty gash, perhaps my heart will also heal as well.


One thought on “My real wound

  1. I know exactly what you mean when you describe the wound in your heart. Just like your toe, even when it heals, looking at it will remind you of what happens, especially if there is a scar. Our heart may heal in time but the scar will still be there to remind us of sometimes. I like how you draw an analogy of God’s words and your bandaid.

    Hang in there. God’s closet to those with a wounded heart. He binds the broken hearted..He does.

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