The fearing of my God


I think too much of what other people think.

Not that its not important, but our world encourages us to put so much emphasis on people and their critiques and their opinions.

I think after the break up, my life, though still chugging onward, it has been thrown into some type of frenzy. All of my expectations and assumptions were thrown out. I seemed to have completely misjudged my old boyfriend. And I seemingly can’t trust my own instincts anymore. Or, perhaps I’ve lost confidence in my own instincts. So the result?

I end up asking for confirmation and affirmation on almost all things that I think, see and do.

I’m so scared to be wrong again. To completely miss the picture that your beloved boyfriend was cheating on you. To miss the fact that we weren’t always a good match, even though we were very happy. To miss the fact that I had allowed him to make me think less of myself and sacrifice many of my dreams and wants. Somehow… I missed all that. And after the break up, I started seeing it, with the help of reflecting as well as friends and family finally speaking up about the concerns they always had.

People really are blind when in love.

But after this whole crazy incident, I can’t seem to believe my own judgement anymore. I need to tell people what I think and ask them to verify or to confirm. And I can’t just live with one affirmation, I need more.

I’m still confident about work and my life, etc. But when it comes to relationships and men and dating with regards to myself, I feel as though I can’t trust myself anymore. I can’t trust my opinions, my thoughts, my decisions, my judgements of character, anything.

Does this usually happen? Loss of confidence in your “eyes” because you misjudged something or someone so severly? and you were just completely and utterly off?


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