“They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31
I feel… light. Happy. Calm. Reassured.
I feel as though I’m floating in God’s palms. I sense myself soaring, not because of my strength, but because I’m upon the wings of eagles.
Not really sure why. Perhaps today was a good day? My students were wonderfully amazing and smart and performed wonderfully and well-mannered. Or perhaps I feel empowered? After I talked to my advisor, I feel that my work is great and high impact and my project is very fun, promising, and exciting. Or maybe because I see how I’ve changed?
I was talking to a very good friend, just about some of the things that are heavy on her heart. I was about to give advice. In my head, I know the usual advice that I would give. The very staunch, strict, straight-forward way. However, the words just couldn’t come out. I couldn’t do it. Have I grown soft?
I realized I needed to put more thought into it. I felt compassionate. Not just for my beloved friend, but also for the person that she was having some conflict with as well. My senses are heightened. My sensitivity has increased. I was no longer the straight-edged, harsh person I used to be. I couldn’t do it. I could not pull down the blade on that guillotine. The same blade that used to come so easily. Have I lost my touch? Or have I just grown to be more gentle? more loving? more sensitive?
I think this pain that has landed in my life has made me aware and more loving and more gentle to people around me. Thinking that I could cause even an ounce of the type of pain that I’m carrying around everyday, breaks my heart and holds me back from pushing down that sharp metal blade.
Maybe its that fruit? Fruit of gentleness as in Galatians? Perhaps this is one of the characteristics of God that I was supposed to focus on? And that I was supposed to learn and gain “gentleness” in order to better reflect God? I know God has taught me to have more grace through this pain and suffering. But perhaps gentleness is also a fruit that this grace lesson bears?
But the gentleness has brought me… the lightness of the heart, a refreshing of my mind, and a joy in my being. Nice!