So one thing that I need to get used to, is going to bed rituals. Before, I would always call and talk to him before I went to bed and either say goodnight or fall asleep to his voice. And sometimes, I would fall asleep on the couch accidentally. And then I would wake up, and have to hurry to dial, so not to miss him before he went to bed.
Now, when I fall asleep on my couch, and I suddenly wake up, I don’t have to rush to call him. I just get myself ready for bed. And go to bed. No need to feel worried that I missed him, or guilty that I accidentally fell asleep, or panicky because I’m rushing to go to bed as well as rushing to call him. But at the same time, there’s a little sad and lonely feeling, that there’s no one I can talk to at the end of the day, right before I fall asleep. I’ve been talking to him before bed since end of 2006. Quite a long time. A long standing habit to be breaking. Hmm, I wonder if he feels the void of our bedtime phonecalls too? Or if he’s just relieved that he no longer has to listen to me blab, as if it were a daily chore?
Maybe my blog can be my new goodnight calls now. Where I can talk about what happened in my day and such. Hmm.