So today I led the worship songs at church. And one of the songs I was singing was Sweetly Broken by Jeremy Riddle.
This was the third and last song in the set. And this had been a tough week for me, and I tend to get more emotional during songs and prayer. However, I had been quite calm throughout the whole music set. That is, until the end of the last song, Sweetly Broken.
During the instrumental part, I started sharing how the words “sweetly broken” meant for me. I admitted that I have been going through some tough times lately (some of my friends in the church congregation know, but not all know about the break up yet), and that I’m really learning a whole new meaning of “sweetly broken”. Before, when I used to sing the song, I used to think it meant that even though we were breaking, it didn’t hurt as much because we had God to comfort us. But now, I realized, when you’re broken, it hurts just as much. The only reason why its sweet, is because its Christ who is doing it. Not that Christ broke my heart, but I realize that God is in control. That’s why its sweet. Because you realize that God meant for it to happen, for the better. God allowed the break up to happen, and to happen now. He hurts because He knows the pain I’m feeling. But God sees the person I’m becoming through this and He knows that this needed to happen.
So then we sang the chorus again. Unfortunately…….. after, like, 2 words, I started crying. Oh dear. Can’t sing now. My throat has clamped down, my stomach is contracted. My breathe is out of sync. I’m trying to hold my breathe so I can calm down and keep singing. The music is still going on. What am I going to do? I’m the only vocal for the night. Oh no, I need to stop crying, but its taking more time than I thought. And then….. Then I hear it. My church congregation is singing for me. They sing a little louder because they realized my mic-ed voice is gone because I am overwhelmed with emotion. I hear their voices continuing the song for me, they’re helping me finish this song, they’re supporting me and understanding my pain and my brokenness, my sweet brokenness.
We repeat the chorus, I’m finally calm. I join them to sing the chorus one last time. We are all broken people. But we sing ever so loud because we thank God that its Him and not anyone else who is in control of the brokenness.
These are the lines from the chorus.
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered