A mother’s tears

My mother keeps crying when she reads my blog! 😦 It makes me sad that it makes her sad. We were talking awhile ago, and she was asking how I was doing. And she had an interesting take on “that” feeling.

She said its like a big gash or cut or wound, one of those physical ones. Where in the beginning, its still all raw and bloody. And if you touch it, it shoots up extreme pain, searing burning flaming flesh-cutting pain. However, even when you don’t touch it, there’s still pain, a lesser pain than when you touch it, but nonetheless, a pain that is ever present and persistent.

Hm, I think that’s quite accurate~ if you touch it (toy with it, keep pondering about it, obsess over), its insanely painful, but even when you leave it alone, try to do other things, try to distract yourself with friends, work, family, …. a blog….., you still feel that thumping pain.

Interesting.

So exactly how fast do those platelets in your body (blood) come to stop the bleeding (clotting) and prevent you from excessive blood loss and fainting? (first step to physical wound healing: hemostasis) And how long does it take for your body’s white blood cells to come and attack (phagocytosis…) all the germs and bacteria in and around the wound? (second step: inflammatory response)  And then how fast does it take for the first layer of thin thin pre-scab skin to form (consisting of collagen, angiogenesis, ECM, etc)? (third step: proliferation, aka. growth of cells) And finally, how and when does your body start  your scab/wound/scar? (final step: remodeling).

If my body naturally heals my physical wounds, will my body also naturally heal my emotional wounds?

Whats the speed of clotting and stop the bleeding of a heart after it just got ripped?

How soon does the body come and fight off all the negative thoughts and horrible bacteria when you start being alone for the first time again?

When, and I would really like to know when, does my body start laying down some collagen, reforming some blood vessels, and forming that thin layer so its less painful, and the wound is more protected from outer dirt and its not as sensitive anymore?

And finally, I can understand this one, we eventually will be in the remodeling step, with time and TLC, when our lives are new and different, and we’ll remodel it.

Wait, but here’s another question… what about scarring!?!?!?

I’m a girl, and scarring tends to be a kinda big deal for us… Do I put on ointment so the scarring won’t be too bad? What’s the ointment in this case then? I can’t take it out into the sun and need vitamin E and aloe vera. Whats my sun and my vitamin E and aloe vera?!

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3 thoughts on “A mother’s tears

  1. Sweetie, the amount of time it takes to heal is different for each individual person but what’s important to know is that after you endure it all, you will heal, and ironically enough, you will be grateful for experiencing this. Hang in there!

  2. Hey E poo,
    The remedy for fast healing and no scarring, is US… your friends. And you’re never alone silly! It is a hard topic to touch and you are a very strong girl. I’m impress with how you handled the situation b/c you know me, I would’ve hurt someone already.

    LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!!

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