Ah, yes. I think its here. Yup, I see it coming. Yes, I’m pretty sure.
I showed my friend the emails that I found from my boyfriend and the other girl. She was speechless, “wow, you really weren’t at all exaggerating about the emails.” In fact, I think I downplayed some of it.
Anyhow, I think the first day and a half was such heightened and extreme emotions, but there was peace. And now, I feel that the acute shock and pain is over, I feel this dulling pain, like the chronic pain is starting.
I’m scared. Terrified, actually, of this pain. I really don’t want to go through it. I feel like I’m Apostle Paul when he begs the Lord to remove the thorn from his side, but in the end, the Lord says, “My grace is sufficient.”
This morning, my friend prayed with me. The only thing I can say is, “God, save me.” I resonate with Peter’s prayer as he was drowning after he walked on water. I’m drowning.
I have loss of appetite. But I need to eat. I have to eat. My body is a temple of God, I must take care of it and cherish it. My friend says eating is a discipline. Hm, I think I will let some of my coworkers know and tell them to remind me and nag at me to eat. Peer pressure is wonderful sometimes.