I talked to my friend after coming home from church.
She’s really shocked how calm I am and how “ok” I seem.
I tell her, I’m equally surprised. But I guess that’s what I really needed to hear from the pastor.
I wanted to run to God for comfort, yet was hesitant because I feel a contradictory. Like if God gave this relationship, why would the same God use it for suffering? How does it make sense that the very God I want to run to and ask for comfort, did not protect me from this heartache?
The pastor jokingly said he’s not the nurturing type. I responded, its ok. I need to know the word of God. That is where I need to draw strength. Give me that. I’m sure there’s somewhere, especially in the OT where there are parallel situations where I can learn and draw strength and comfort from.
Anyhow, I’m reviewing what he said. Yes, I took notes when I talked, I’m a nerd….
My friend thanks me for suffering, because she has just been reminded how good our God is.
I’m shocked, wait, usually when pain becomes blessing… it takes awhile.. how is it already starting?
This is amazing!
I talk to my mother, who is my trusted tharapist and an amazing Biblical Counselor. (yes, she does all volunteer work, in hospitals and schools as well as personal appointments in marriage counseling. She does children’s therapy as well as crisis and deathbed therapy and counsels marriages as well as women, both married and single.) I ask her what are the stages of grieving, and she answers: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Building/Hopeful
I ask her where I am, I feel that the last few weeks, even before finding out about the cheating, I’ve already been going through up to depression. Is it weird that I’m feeling hopeful?