Being a wife… is HARD! Not just suddenly thinking for two people, but also being responsible for a whole new set of things, and on the other hand letting go control on a bunch of other aspects in life.

Of course, there is the constant living and talking to each other, which is awesome! But, here we go, learning about “it’s not WHAT you say, it’s HOW you say it.” The husband and the wife are two separate beings, with two individual minds and two different agendas. They have both very good ideas and opinions, but once again, they are two. And now we are ONE.

We need to come up with ONE plan, ONE agenda. We need to figure out ONE set of rules, not two. We need to run our lives that match to ONE schedule, not two.

We both have feelings, we can hurt each other’s feelings. We have different sets of interpretations towards ONE same event, or tone, or sentence, or phrase, or word….

Being a wife is hard. I can’t even find which aisle the waffle mix is in when I go grocery shopping! I never went grocery shopping. If I wanted waffles, I’d walk half a block and pay $4-$6 for a belgian waffle made with whatever crazy ingredients I wanted.

I don’t know what a zucchini and a cucumber looks like. Actually, I know what they look like, but I can’t tell them apart. And why do stores put them so close to each other?!?

I need to run errands to the bank, dry cleaners, grocery stores, post office, etc etc. I keep getting lost in this new state, and albeit I can be a tough driver, but I have had one or two scares on the freeway here, too.

When I lived by myself, I never cooked. I could go to the grocery store once every 5 months. “What?” you say, “No produce would last that long!” Exactly! Because I never bought produce. I went to buy popcorn, chips, frozen food, etc. Now, I try to cook dinner for my husband. And I realize I have to have double my usual single serving sized portions. Now I have to go to the grocery store every 2-3 weeks. (I hear that’s still really rare… some women have told me, “wait till you have kids!”)

I’m learning how to run a house, a kitchen, and maintain my own life and work all at the same time.

I had no problems doing the wedding part, since that was all party/event planning, contracts, delegations, running committees and groups and tasks and lists, etc.

But now… I have to go from no domestic skills to…. lots of domestic skills.

Thank God for a patient and helpful husband.

I heard this song today on the car (doing my “routine” grocery store trip, yet again), Matthew West- Strong Enough.

It reminds me… that I’m not strong enough to be a wife, a good wife, a perfect wife. But God is.

Strong Enough – by Matthew West

You must, You must think I’m strong
To give me what I’m going through
Well, forgive me. Forgive me if I’m wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own.

I know I’m not strong enough to be
everything that I’m supposed to be
I give up
I’m not strong enough
Hands of mercy won’t you cover me
Lord, right now I’m asking You to be
Strong enough, Strong enough
For the both of us

Well, maybe Maybe that’s the point
To reach the point of giving up
Cause when I’m finally, Finally at rock bottom
Well, that’s when I start looking up
And reaching out

Cause I’m broken
Down to nothing
But I’m still holding on to the one thing
You are God and you are strong
When I am weak
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don’t have to be
Strong enough, Strong enough

There is this constant excitement that I feel when I see a New York State license. “Yes!!” I think, “Finally!! Someone who understands that the speed limit is the MINIMUM that you can drive at!”

Of course, getting all excited, I try to drive behind or close the the NY car… only to find, upon closer observation, that it’s actually a Michigan license plate…

I shake my head and blink a few times. That’s weird, I was sure it was NY!

Another day, I spot a NY car again! Excitedly, I’m right next to the car. I take a closer look, they have Michigan bumper stickers all over it… and… it turns out to be a Michigan license plate, AGAIN!

Oh goodness, how do I keep mistaking these license plates?

I do this a few times… and every time I realize it’s not a NY car, I get really disappointed…

I finally realize why I’m making this seemingly stupid ((but justifiable… keep reading, I promise) mistake. The NY license plate has blue borders and the plate color behind the numbers/alphabet is all white, without any blemish or pictures. (I know this because I have a NY key chain with my name on it… that I look at everyday…). The Michigan license plates have various types. One of which ALSO has blue borders and a plain all-white background for where the numbers and letters are. Am I insane? They look very similar with upon a fast glance or from your peripheral vision. The only difference? The shade of blue. Both are dark blues, but the NY license plates have a darker blue (with the lighter blue on the top border), and the Michigan license plates have a tad lighter shade of blue.

I thought I was going mad… or maybe street crazy, or perhaps I was missing the East Coast too much that I started seeing things. (Strange that I didn’t start seeing those yellow NJ license plates… crazy Jersey drivers… those would haunt my memories if anything…)

I finally realized… Michigan copied NY’s license plate!!! (Also probably not true, considering that the PA license plate also has a plain white background with blue on its borders.)

Just kidding.

But I’ve noticed one big thing is that moving here has made me realized how rude the East Coast is… i.e. how rude I used to (still can be??) to be. And since it’s for survival, you just become so toughened up and used to the rudeness. You grow a thick shell. When someone yells at you or honks or yells at another driver or screams out their window, it’s no big deal. You shrug it off, or shake your fist, or yell back, whichever it is… you keep on going about with your life.

Here… I have not seen people yelling or shouting or shaking fists (or even shaking their heads) at people.

It also could be the fact that it’s freezing here, so everyone is indoors. Or because in the Midwest, (because everything is so far apart, everyone drives everywhere) people usually just hop from their cars to one destination to the next. Minimizing all possible interactions with other humans. So no interaction + tons of personal space, and then what do you get? No Conflicts! At least confrontational types!

But anyhow, I will also comment that the people here can somehow keep themselves completely pleasant, no matter how hectic and busy a store gets, no matter how demanding a customer or child can be, no matter how difficult and tedious a task is… they somehow can keep a pleasant tone and be all sweet.

How do I know this? From my many shopping trips around this area. (Things are priced cheaper around here!! whoot!) So I will be in the changing room, and I can hear other customers talking to the store employees. Not that I intentionally eavesdrop or anything… Just so happens that when I shop, I’m not usually on the phone or talking to myself, nor do I get too engrossed to my clothing considerations…. Therefore, I have a lot of spare attention (and silence) to hear what else is going on around me.

People are super apologetic and super thankful and super helpful and suuuper everything…. It’s so … nice….

That is… until I meet my friends that moved to Michigan from the South… and then they say that Michigan is not nice at all. They think Michigan is so rude…

Hmm, not sure if now is the time to unleash them to the Big Apple or my beloved Philadelphia or crazy soul-less DC …. they may just think that they just saw hell on earth.
(the place with no happy endings.. quoting from many recent movies/television shows)

NFL or College Football (University of Michigan and Michigan State are the popular ones here) are both hot topics that everyone seems to talk about.

But that’s not just it… it seems like in the Midwest… that’s ALL they talk about. That plus “What church do you go to?” (Just kidding… no sane person would immediately sak that… except in the South… or maybe here in Michigan… just saying…

I sit at the bar, and the bartender brings up some football talk. I’m standing in the elevator, and some dude brings up football. My friends meet my other friends, and after introductions, they’re not sure what to say, and suddenly they talk football.

It’s really interesting, because I just had two friends from the East Coast come visit. They can chat sports, but when we go out and meet friends or get together, we rarely talk sports. Sometimes we talk current events, we talk about job or work (or what do you do and where you work, etc), and then we talk about travels, we talk about movies and quotes and music and television and yes, gasp, we do actually talk about national and international policy. From healthcare policy to foreign policy to the GOP nominations to this year’s tax changes. We talk about currency, stock markets, newest restaurants and shows in Vegas, etc etc. (random, I know…)

But it’s very rare that people ALWAYS talk about sports. (Unless, of course, you’re in a sports bar or on a weekday night at ALFA… then sure, we talk sports.. for a bit… before we venture off to some other random topic again). I just love when people talk about these issues or topics. Sometimes I join, but I also love to just listen and learn. Conversations like these are so interesting, informative, stimulating, and fun. (Obviously all players involved need to be mature and not say slanderous things or make personal attacks, personal both to the person talking and policies/politicians being talked about… key to having a good discussion with many different opinions and views involved is being civil.)

But anyway…. So, of course, it begs the question: WHY?!

Why do the people around here always stay on the topic of Football? (the American type…)

1. They truly love it so much, and that’s all they love, they only have one passion, and that’s it.

2. They are polite (as mentioned in MANY previous entries), and talking about sports is a somewhat neutral zone, it means people don’t really have to share about themselves or be vulnerable or risk offending people. So they talk about football, because, like Switzerland, it’s a neutral zone, and it’s a safe topic. Albeit similar day-to-day (you cheer for that team, I cheer for this one. We may cheer for the same one. yay. that was such a great play. no, that totally sucked. We totally got robbed, …) , but it’s safe.

3. They have no idea what’s going on about current events nor music nor restaurants, they have their TVs always on ESPN. They know, kinda, who is the president (maybe), but aside from that, they really don’t care about any of that. (This seems like a very unlikely option… since TV ratings show that Midwest population have a STRONG swing + presence when it comes to viewership and ratings.)

4. It’s too cold in the winter and the only thing entertaining to do is watch football and talk smack with your buddies. So forget ice skating at Rockefeller or window shopping at the Macy’s on 34th street. Nevermind trying to drive out to Atlantic City or try to hit up those upcoming Cherry Blossoms in DC (I know that’s still a long ways away). Forget trying to build awkward snowmen or ninja turtles in Rittenhouse Square, or trying to sit outside in January underneath crazy strong heat lamps as you eat sorbet or some weird new appetizer the chef invented this month.   Things around here are far away. It takes a long time to drive. There really aren’t that many activities as though a dense city would offer. (Late night Karaoke anyone?! Hey! That one is all-season!!)   So maybe, since winter comes, and all shuts down, perhaps football is the only things with life that is still around, exciting, entertaining, and fun.

But then again, maybe people do talk about other things… it’s just for some reason, they see me, a tall skinny girl in heels, and they somehow feel the need to bring up football…. Maybe my face has the words “Please talk football to me” written all over it. So who knows. Maybe that table over there is actually talking about the recent GOP debates and who’s foreign policy sucks. Or maybe they’re talking about what Obama did great this year, and which things were, then again, not so great.

Geez… I need to figure out how to switch this invisible sign on my face…

Sometimes, as I’m trying to exit out the highway, the car that is whole car length behind me starts SPEEDING UP! Are you kidding me?!?!

Other times, I will safely be a car length behind a car in the left most lane… but that car is doing 65mph…. on a 70mph area… People have told me that it’s not okay to honk, so I just slowly follow them… until they decide to switch lanes or they have to get out at an exit.

There are many a times when people are barely in front of me in the next lane over, and then… THEY SWITCH INTO MY LANE.. which is annoying because it’s so close… but the worst thing?! THEY DON’T SIGNAL!!!! So dangerous!!
THAT I do honk at!

Anyhow… I can’t believe I’m devoting an entire entry on driving. This is kind of ridiculous, and I’m already feeling foolish at the end of this. Bottom line, I’m very happy today, because I realized that if I keep singing (mind you, if I rap, I’ll probably get even more worked up and ready to fight…) happy tunes, I end up being more able to let silly driving pho-pa’s slide…

that is… unless you suddenly cut into my lane with 2 feet difference and NO SIGNAL!!!

crazy peoples……

PS. Driving in Taipei and NYC and Philadelphia are sure ways to worsen your case of road rage… maybe Midwest IS helping me acquire a nicer attitude.. or maybe it’s just the sun and the singing today….

Christmas Eve, I went over to his parents’ house to have Hot Pot (it’s where you have a hot boiling pot of soup in the middle of the table, and you cook different things in it. It’s a very Asian get-together, family style of eating.)

On Christmas Day, we invited his parents over to our apartment to have Christmas dinner. This was our menu (for 4 people):

Turkey (in a soy-sauce based marinate, play on an Asian dish)
Green Beans with Garlic
Buttered Corn
Corn and Potato Chowder
Cranberry Sauce (which happened to be the hardest thing to find and buy)

Dessert:
Crepes Suzette
Red Bean Soup (a traditional Asian dish)

So as the food was cooking, I started cleaning. Our house isn’t messy, but I was stressed about the potential “inspection”. I’ve heard my mother-in-law previously talk about other women about being “princesses” when they don’t help clean or cook in the house.

So I start cleaning, I vacuum, I Windex every surface available to mankind in my house. The media center, the cabinet top (and doors and corners and edges), all the windows, the surface of our coffee tables (3) which all have glass surfaces, all the mirrors in both bathrooms. And the mirrors are HUGE. I kept having to switch hands because I’d cover a corner and my arm would be sore. I also windexed the faucet heads (They are metal and can get water stains, so it’s good to windex those, too.) Of course, you may think that I’m windexing with a towel or rag. BUT NO! That will definitely leave lint. Or you may assume I’m using the lint-less rags. Nope. I’m going hardcore.

NEWSPAPER! No lint, pulls off the oils, and works wonders cleaning windows and mirrors and any of those surfaces that need to be left glistening!

My place is clean, but I realized we didn’t really have festive decorations, so I tried to use the vases and ornaments the best I could, and concocted a few centerpieces. Luckily, I still had the bouquet that my husband got me for our first month anniversary (and it was still alive, despite me forgetting to feed it the “flower food” it came with). I had a few decorative items that I brought with me from Philadelphia that were used in the Philadelphia wedding. Perfect.

Times up! It’s 5pm. But they aren’t here yet. It’s 5:30pm, and they still aren’t here yet. Apparently, they wanted to give us “a few extra minutes” because they were worried we wouldn’t be ready by 5pm yet. That’s pretty thoughtful, although I’m pretty punctual when I cook, so I’m watching the food get cold as I start reheating everything in the oven and microwave.

My husband comes out and sees that I’m reheating the food and plating them and setting them on the dining table. He informs me that most dinner guests don’t immediately seat and have dinner. We usually serve a cocktail or a drink or some snacks, and then about 30 minutes after arrival, then the meal starts.

OMG. I did not know this! Now I have no idea what to do, because I just reheated everything and put it out. So I will have to reheat everything a second time… is that bad? There is probably something chemically that is happening after so many rounds of heating and reheating and nuking… Is this a suburban thing? Maybe it’s just a house thing… since I’m only emulating what I know, which is observed in restaurants, which is: Go in, sit down, order to eat.

Anyhow, that’s exactly what happened. We sat down and chatted and served some cocktails and wine. And then later got seated. Thankfully, no one got sick or food poisoning, so the reheating must have been okay… at least this time.

Whew. My first time “hosting” Christmas dinner for the in-laws. Didn’t go so bad… I think…

I was out in Royal Oak, the supposed “rittenhouse” and yuppie area of Michigan.

Yah right.

I was out there, we were at a bar and restaurant. This dude who was WHITE came in with a fro, told us it was with his company, cuz they were doing an “event” (not sure why it had to be a fro???),  but he was sitting next to us.

He asked us why I was there, I said I was new around the area. He said, why? I said my husband was a doctor and I just moved from the East Coast. He said his brother was also a doctor from this small hospital in Michigan. I was like, ok, great. I can’t even remember what happened next, but very quickly, he said I was Asian. I said I’m very aware that I am. Then he called me black. (WTF?!?!? I’m ASIAN, BUT how am I BLACK???). Then he proceeded to tell me that I don’t belong around here. And before I could even defend myself, he walked off. To tell the next few people in the restaurant loudly that I don’t belong there.

I’m now crying. Completely disgusted and in awe that this happened.

Did someone just tell me to LEAVE a restaurant because I was Asian?! And cuz I was the only asian in the restaurant and because of my race I wasn’t welcomed in Royal Oak!?!??!

Didn’t realize you hated seeing people that were different from you and felt the need to come up and tell us that I wasn’t welcomed.

I ended driving home, in tears crying so hard in my car that my husband came down to get me from the parking lot.

I cannot believe what type of a place I just moved to.

This place is ridiculous.

Screw you, Michigan, you’re also “not from around here”, you’re from the European mutt countries. What is wrong with you??! why do you think you, white male trash, have the right to wear a fro and call someone Asian, then black, then ask them to leave!? what?!?!?!

Last time I looked, I didn’t see a sign that said “No colored people allowed”

So suck it. If you wanted a white supremacist place, maybe you should have notified the manager and owner.

I went to the manager to notify his ridiculous behavior and he was asked to leave.

Screw you.  be Gone.

I walk into a grocery store… and I lift an eyebrow as I walk past a sign saying “Impeach Obama”.

I finish my shopping, and now there is a guy standing there. A young Caucasian male with another young African American woman. I’m loading my groceries into my car trunk, and then the start waving at me and my husband. They were waving and saying hi to us. I was not in the mood.

C’mon, are you kidding? You’re trying to impeach our president in the last year of office? Plus during all the crazy debates and primaries and pre-election things going on?? Bill Clinton was guilty as charged with an actual black and white issue (yes, he really did have an affair with M.L.) and it still was impossible to impeach Clinton. How do you think you’ll impeach Obama? When it’s more of an opinion of “I don’t think he is doing a good job.” or “I don’t think he kept his promises the way I assumed he would.” etc etc… Or whatever other crime you think Obama has done, it’s not actually going to stand in court, or else prosecutors would have been on him right now… (Herman Cain anyone?)

Anyhow, they tried to motion for me to go over to them. I raise up my hand, pointed to myself and shouted towards them, “I voted for him.” As I start to get in my car. “You did?” they exclaim, incredulously. I’m like, are you serious?!?! Your state voted blue in the last election, you’d have to assume that SOME humans in Michigan voted for him.

We drive out of the parking lot, and they were still trying to get our attention. I was so annoyed. Really? On a Saturday morning outside a nice grocery store? With a sign that drew a Hitler mustache on Obama?? Trying to impeach Obama at this point in time? Are you kidding?!?!

I never thought of myself as a hardcore leftist, and I’m definitely registered as an independent. But moving here, and in comparison to some of the people around me, I now come off to be seemingly really liberal. (Which I don’t really care nor  mind.) Maybe it’s because the coastal mindsets are just much more liberal in general. And when in Philadelphia, almost all of the young professionals that I knew held similar viewpoint on social issues like healthcare and education and tax. (Ethical and moral issues views were usually more varied.)

People that I’ve been meeting are not interested in the “issues” themselves. They just choose a team, the red team.. and then just only support EVERYTHING of that party. But when I ask why, they give me a goof off answer (better to just listen to Glenn Beck or some crazy mid-America Fox News if you want a bit more substance). Obviously, I realize that this is not really a state where people can share their different views and have a fun philosophical discussion (unless you’re in Ann Arbor). People here think that there’s only ONE right answer to policies and laws. They aren’t interested to hear about the different positions, the different possibilities and, of course, the pros and cons to every side of the story. My brain is transforming into goop over here.

I’m too scared to speak up about my opinions anymore (unless I completely 100% agree). Otherwise, it seems like people here aren’t interested in mutual sharing and mutual learning.

One day, this woman briefly mentioned about healthcare policies really need to be changed. (She didn’t even say how yet, by the way. She just raised the point that healthcare policies really need to be revisited and revised.) Then this older woman immediately shut her down and  said, “No, you don’t want that. Now now.” And then treated this 45+ year old woman like a child, and then patting her, as if to pat some sense into her. WHAT?! oh, and the discussion, killed. She was like, “Oh, Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” !@#$%

C’mon peoples! Freedom of speech!

It’s okay to have different opinions. Look at your beloved GOP primary candidates! During debates, other than attacking each other like children, they actually do differ on many policy ideas, like immigration, foreign policy, national defense, healthcare, etc. That doesn’t mean they’re all not part of the GOP. That doesn’t mean they can’t talk about it.  We can talk even if we have different views.

Occasionally, I will have friends that have just moved from the Midwest and when they order a soda/fountain drink, they’ll call it pop. Usually the group laughs and makes some funny remark, we give our friend(s) a slap on the back or a high five. But pretty soon, the friends are all calling it soda or fountain drink.

Now, I’m in an overwhelming population that terms it “pop”. And there’s no assimilation about to happen here, because everyone around them also calls it “pop”!

Initially, I was at a restaurant, and the lady asked me if I wanted a pop. Now there is this recent drink gaining more and more fame. It’s a liquor mixed cocktail, topped off with pop rocks, yup, that’s right, like when-we-were-kids-pop-rocks. They coat the glass rim with pop rocks and then they also add some pop rocks into the bottom of the drink, and you’ve got bubbling sugar. Pretty tasty, actually.
So here I was, in a restaurant with some children around the table. Because as soon as she asked me, I was like, umm, this is a family dinner, are you asking me to order pop rocks in my cocktail and take it to the next level?? I had already ordered a cocktail, so I thought she was asking if I wanted to add pop rocks to it. Not that it’s indecent to add pop rocks, but it’s kind of a more festive, going out at night kinda thing. I kinda look at her, lost for words. She looks at me blankly, like this is just any normal day in the world. I look around my table, and my family and friends seem completely unperturbed and they continue to look at their menus. I take an unusually long time to finally regain my bearings. I look around the table and saw that some people had ordered sodas, I finally realized she was asking me if, in addition to my cocktail, I wanted another soda drink…. Ohhhh…..

NO!

Apparently, only ONE place offer brunch, and apparently it’s also only on Sunday. What?! Where is the brunch businesses?? Why isn’t anyone eating/demanding brunch service?

Apparently, it’s been a trend that has only been heavily wide spread in the last 5 years around NYC and Philadelphia and Boston. But Michigan is in the same time zone, EST… so why hasn’t the wild fire spread here yet?

Fine. It’s Friday afternoon, and Maybe they’ll have some restaurants with some outdoor seating with heat-lamps. You know, like the ones at Rouge or Parc or Farmers~!

Nope, they stop seating outdoors once September comes. “You’re 4 months too late!” they say. UGH~ what?! with heat lamps you can sit there till the middle of February! (Minus the time that Philadelphia had 60+ inches of snow and no money to plow the snow, and SEPTA (our buses and trains and subway) decides, at the same time, to throw a fit and go on strike. cry-babies…)

Alright, fine. We’ll sit indoors, and we won’t go to brunch, we’ll go to the normal lunch. Wait, no lunches available on Saturdays either. OMG. FINE. We’ll just go to the normal person dinner then! Let’s find us some restaurants!

If you are looking for a way to quickly find a list of restaurants (for whatever purposes: dinner, happy hour, lunch, brunch, etc), I’d highly recommend you pull the city’s Restaurant Week roster. This usually will give you about 80% of the nice restaurants in town. The other 20%  will either come on board next year or have a big nose that they stick  in the air and don’t care to join in. (Yes yes, I agree that Restaurant Week is a nightmare and the patrons are horrible. I personally DON’T participate in Restaurant Week, I just use the list… haha). Oh, and you ask why the other 20% will probably come on board next year? Because since the bad economy hit in 2007-2008, restaurant businesses have been losing a lot of money. If you notice the trends, you’ll see that restaurants that used to be too upp-ity to join restaurant week or Center City Sips, now have joined. In addition, MANY restaurants have regular daily happy hours and many places have ADDITIONAL specials for Mondays and Tuesdays (these are the famous dead days in the service industry, service industry including bars and restaurants).

Anyhow… I digress. My point is, let’s go pull up Michigan’s Restaurant Week. Let’s look at their downtown, where some of the best restaurants in the state are located. Apparently, they also have a few Iron Chef restaurants that reside here. Getting excited! The list, ladies and gentleman…(drumroll, please!)…… 20 restaurants.
WHAT?! is there another secret list that I don’t know of? (and I’ve already been to 10+ of the 20…) Some of them are just burger joints. I’m dying here. What happened to a list of over 200 restaurants? ok, fine, 100? no… fine, 50? Nope… 21 restaurants.

I will STARVE out here!!!

Someone please mail order me some gourmet food!!!!

It’s been snowing since last night and it’s still snowing and it’s already noon here. WHERE IS THE SUN?!

I just checked the temperature for today. It’s supposed to be about 19F here in Michigan tonight and I’m supposed to go to a formal holiday party. Say What?!

It’s currently in the 50F’s in Philadelphia. I still have so many of my 40F-50F outfits that I haven’t worn yet, and Michigan has already sped up it’s snowmakers… and it’s now in the teens?! I did not expect this! I was still dilly dallying in my peep-toe shoes and mid-heavy jackets. Yes, we have seasons on the East Coast.

That probably answers why a week ago when I went to dinner with my girl friend (out of the total of 2 friends I currently have in Michigan), she told me to get into boots instead of my peep-toe heels. To which is laughed, “What? Wear boots to a girls’ dinner out in November? Please!”

Ok, I see what she means, there is obviously no autumn here. I still have yet to wear skirts and dresses with boots… Oh c’mon, you know what I mean! It’s when the weather is cold enough to wear boots, but still warm enough that you can wear a skirt/dress without having to wear leggings underneath the dress and boots. Right? Can I get an Amen?

Ok, hopefully I’m not the only one who calculates weather and depends heavily on the gradient of the weather for trying out different combinations of outfits. (Men, that’s why we need so many different coats, shoes, clothes in general. Our wardrobe season spans much more than just the summer and winter. We also have cool summer, hot summer, early spring, wet spring, windy spring, overly hot spring, early autumn end of summer, crisp autumn, warm autumn, cold autumn, sunny but cold winter, gloomy winter, snowy winter, freezing look-like-a-marshmellow winter, sunny and warm winter, etc etc…)  But this morning, looking at the piles of snow in Michigan makes me realize that I may need to:

1. Put away my late autumn early winter wardrobe, fitted for the only the East Coast.

or

2. Hurry and quickly wear those early winter (still slightly warm) outfits before it gets colder (apparently it gets worse around here. omg…) and even though it’s gonna be a bit cold, I need to just suck it up and get through it. Live in my own East Coast winter…

I choose 2.

(Wow, I feel really shallow that I had such a long inner dialogue just about the clothes regarding the mini-seasons*.)

*mini-seasons: my new term that describes the in between seasons from the major four (Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter). See above for more detailed breakdown.

So the cheap gas is why we fill up in NJ, but there is another thing that is an added on bonus…. FREE SERVICE GAS STATIONS!! Actually, it’s not always the best thing. If you open up your door, you WILL get yelled at by the gas station attendants. Apparently, it is the NJ law that all gas stations are full service. It is also the law that a customer CANNOT pump their own gas (I’m not complaining~!).

So… after being completely spoiled with not only cheap gas but also someone pumping your gas all the time… I realize that I don’t know how to pump gas. (Taiwan gas stations are also full service).

I’m in Michigan now, and there is no more full service gas stations. I have been struggling. Like I forgot to open my gas tank cover as I got out the car today, and I did the whole swipe your credit card thing. Then I got the nozzle (which took me a few times to figure out how to unhook) and realized I needed to open my car door, to get to my gas tank door button thing. So with the nozzle in hand, I ballerina over the hose, open the open door, pull the tank door, close my car door, all the while dripping gas…. gross.

And it’s COLD now, too! It’s freezing!

So now… I have pumped my own gas… twice. Yessss!

As I drive out of the gas station, I look at the high non-NJ prices, and am really sad that I can no longer sit in my warm car, as I roll the window or crack the door to say “Regular” or “Premium” and hand them my credit card as I wait for the tank to fill.

I came home kind of sad today. But then again, I remember that I’m really just doing what the rest of the 49 states are doing, freeze while gassing. Just decades later than most.

Sure, the occasional celebrity scores a bob or an above the shoulder cut and still is deemed hot, if not even hotter (re: Charlize Theron, Uma Thurman, Katie Holmes).

But for us “common folk”, it seems like long hair is the way to go, and short hair is the way to lose a guy. (I’m talking the 85%… Gals with stunning bobs no need to be offended and can stop reading here if need be…)

So why is it that guys like long hair more than short hair? And it’s not even just long hair in a bun or ponytail… it’s long hair let down… That’s right. All that hair, untied, not pulled back, blowing in the wind, getting in our faces and having strands stick out centrifugally from our faces… You can’t even hardcore hairspray that “let your hair all down” look… since it needs to “sway” and “blow” and “move” naturally. And of course… the hair flip…

So why long hair, and especially the all let down look? Here are a few reasons I’ve heard.

1. So it doesn’t feel like I’m dating a dude.

My rebuttal: what?!?!?! Does my FACE look like a dude’s? Or that mascara that I use? Or the lips that I have? Hello!! And besides, just because a woman gets a short hairdo, her haircut is usually different than that of a dude’s. Does Katie Holmes haircut look like Brad Pitt’s? Didn’t think so. (Although I can think of many men (read: Justin Beiber?) that have haircuts like Katie Holmes… just sayin…)

2. I can’t play with her hair.

My rebuttal: Aw.. how sweet. Um, we’re not in 2nd grade here. If you’re talking about braiding our hair, that’s just creepy. If you’re talking about pushing the hair out of our eyes, or maybe tucking that lose strand of hair behind our ears… we’re not BALD, we just have shorter hair! And we have bangs, so you can push that hair and tuck that strand. You say, so I can run my fingers through her hair! Ok, we girls “run our fingers through YOUR hair” as well… and sometimes all you give us is a buzzed army cut! but We make due!

3. It just looks more feminine.

My rebuttal: Ok, while I can pull up many many examples on google images showing women that look much more feminine and sophisticated with their short hair looks, I can understand this misunderstanding. Long hair is the thing that many men think differentiate the male to the female (nevermind the lumps on our chest or our softer skin or our different facial features, lack of the adam’s apple, softer/higher voices, etc etc). But truth be told, many women look childish and young with long hair, and especially when it’s all let down, the hair looks messy, she looks unenergetic, unprofessional, etc etc. So the short hair helps some women with looking more sophisticated, and some to look more professional (so they’re taken more seriously at work in a man’s world… read: irony).

4. But the long hair can’t be too long.

My alarming shock: WHAT?! How demanding can you men be regarding our personal head of hair?! You want it to be long, but not too long. So it needs to be past the shoulders (at least), best if it’s a few inches past. But it definitely should not be long to the butt (or even touch the top of the lower back). You guys are crazy. So too long looks childish and unsexy to the men. Interesting. And too short also looks unattractive. So really… you men like: middle ranged hair.

Well, I’ve had long hair (never had the patience to go past the lower back), and short hair (bob style! yay!). I’ve had that middle neck /on the shoulder length. And also had it straight and curled. I honestly think that though men have a “preference” (albeit odd but the majority), I will say that a women’s attractiveness is not all in her hair. So whether you have long hair or short hair, a real man who is really worth your time will see that you’re beautiful as you are and see you as a person worth getting to know. Not write you off because your hair is a few millimeters off his range standard.

And so should you keep your long hair and resist that urge to try out that stylish bob (like on Katie Holmes)? Or should you resist that urge to trim your hair because now you want to grow it out?

Nope. I think you should do what you want with your hair. Try out that bob or keep your short hair. If you love the way you look, people can see that. And I promise you, that’s way more attractive and alluring than the “long, let your hair down, hair flip, flip flip flip” look.

One day, I was coming down the elevator, and another person joined me on the elevator. Perhaps that day I looked friendlier or something, not sure what, but this 2nd person said to me “Hi, how are you doing today?” I think, wait, maybe she’s mistaking me for someone else… Um… er… I quickly answer, “Fine, thanks.”
Then another person enters the elevator, and she says the same thing to the 3rd person! Ohhh!! I get it!! They don’t ACTUALLY know each other! They’re just greeting each other!!!

OMG! Then my response “Fine, thanks” is just that automatic East Coast response. I should have said something like, ‘Greeeat! And how are you today?!” I totally forgot to ask her back! Arg! How rude of me!! OMG!
And my tone! OMG! My tone must have that mono-tone from that East Coast, where it sounds like, “thanks for asking, ok, but we don’t have to continue this conversation.”
And my body language!!! As soon as she asked me, I unconsciously started shifting myself towards the wall of the elevator, staring at the button panel, and shoving myself into a small corner. OMG, my body language totally communicates that I’m “anti-social” and “please don’t talk to me”. ARG!!!
I wonder if I offended her? hurt her feelings?!

The elevator stops, we all get out. I’m sure she doesn’t even remember this, or maybe she just thinks I’m weird.

But finally I got it… they don’t all know each other… they just all greet each other.

OHHHHH, okay! Got it… ok, will start altering my behavior now….

People were walking around back and forth, since I was sitting closeby to some elevators.

I called up a friend in Philadelphia, just to chat. After only looking down at my computer, I was looking around while chatting on the phone. Suddenly, around the corner of the hallway, I saw a middle age man in a suit with a hospital badge. He looked straight at me and started walking towards me with a weird smile on his face. He slowed down a few feet from me, saw that I was on the phone, and then kept walking towards the elevators. I was somewhat alarmed, so I told me friend on the phone to give me a sec.

I pulled down my head set, and leaned forward, and asked the man in a clear voice, “Is there a problem?’

I was worried that this man was going to ask me, “Excuse, you can’t sit here for this long.” or “Are you waiting for someone?” or “What is your business here, you’ve been occupying these seats for a very long time, this is for patients only.” Or something along those lines.  Perhaps he was being polite, since he saw me on a call, so he didn’t want to yell at me then… but if there’s a problem, I’d like to know ASAP so I can gather my things and move if needed. But please tell me, and I’ll move immediately. Looking at me, hesitating… and then walking away only makes me more nervous!

So I say “Is there a problem?” And then… the man answers, “Nope, no problem. Just smiling.”

…………………

OMG… I’m so mortified. This guy was only trying to smile and be nice. OMG OMG…. I wanted to disappear… I quickly apologize, saying “I’m sorry, I just moved from the East Coast, we don’t smile that often out there…”   (he just walks away into the elevator by then…)

As I hear my friend on my phone yelling, “What?!?!? We smile in Philadelphia! And in Boston! And in NYC!!”

I get back on the line, “No we don’t! If you walked around Center City with a BIG SMILE on your face as you looked STRAIGHT at each person, and said hello to random people, people would think 1. you’re crazy or 2. you mistook them for someone you knew.” She thinks about it and says, “True…”

As I continued our discussion of behaviors of smiling to random people in the hyper crazy cities… I noticed… more people trying to smile at me. And then people started saying hello to me. Then I realized people started smiling at me and trying to SIT next to me! OMG! what is going on!

Usually when we walk around in Center City, you either look straight ahead, avoid eye contact, or you look down on the ground that you’re walking on. Don’t believe me? Look out the window of your office or apt or bus.

Yes yes, we will smile if we’re at the check out line, or greet “How are you?” to the cashier. For my boutique apartment complex, there aren’t many units, and so it’s a pretty small and private community. When you want to be nice in the elevator, you say “what floor?” in a pleasant sound so you can help them press their floor. And if you’re really nice that day, when they leave you can initiate “Have a good one (good night, good evening, good day)!” And sometimes they answer, other times they mumble… Most of the times, two people just walk into the elevator, stare straight at the floor, the door, or the changing numbers (if the elevators have them) and then walk out. Minimal exchange of interactions seems to be norm.

I’ve been greeted a few times on the streets of Philadelphia. Once was a crazy man who was yelling at me and tried to hit me in broad daylight at 8am. (I was just walking to my bus stop). He then continued to yell at the next passerbys… and ALL of us, just looked down or straight and avoided him and quickly kept walking. Another time, it was 5pm, sunny day, a man bee-lines towards me and tries to grab me. I stop short. He stops short, and says, “How you doin?”

If people approach you, usually my alert system goes up, I’m in high defensive mode.

So now, midwesterners are all just being nice, but accidentally triggering my super nervous alarm mode. So I have a bunch of false alarms going off every few seconds. I’m so exhausted. I know I’m insane. And I want to enjoy all this nice-ness. But it keeps catching me off guard, and I need more time to relax and get used to this (and not misinterpret it as a potential oncoming threat).

I keep getting so uncomfortable and also keep being caught off guard and being at a loss for words (which is rare and also way awkward for me)… I decided to pack up my things.

I walked into the parking lot, found our car, and I went to go sit in my car. I finished my work and my lunch there.

I was so overwhelmed by the nice-ness and was so uncomfortable with all the hellos and smiles, and also did not know what to do with myself…. I had to lock myself in my car, to hide out.

OMG! You guys are so nice! and Smiling!! this is so weird!

The Philadelphia Bellevue Wedding is finally done! As is the wedding in Asia!

I now am moved (though still unpacking) from Philadelphia to Michigan.

I miss Philadelphia almost everyday. Actually, everyday. I’m still getting used to the Midwest. And why are people so friendly here?! I’m so pleasantly surprised but way awkward, too!

I have all my new toys! (thanks to the awesome completion of our registry!) and I’m writing my dissertation far far away remotely! >.<

More adventures of an East Coast girl adapting to the new arctic Midwest life…

Sorry about the MIA!

This past weekend was my bridal shower and it was …. a WOW!

I walk into the room, and there were silver, white and pink balloons everywhere! The helium type! so they were all floating high with colorful ribbons!

Then came the place settings. There were 3 tables set with shower favors on top of pink plates. The center pieces were mini-towers of cupcakes. But these weren’t just plain cupcakes, but cupcakes with fondant roses, pink roses all over the top of the icing.

On one side of the room, was a full display of food, ranging from pesto pasta, egg salads, smoked salmon, cheese plate, cold cut plate, fruit plate, chips and salsa and guacamole, etc. All my favorite snacks!!! And then, there was a gift table, and it had a mountain of gifts!! It was gorgeous! all the colorful wrapping and bags and everything! with the floating balloons in the background!

And… there was a chocolate fountain! With pretzels, marshmallows, animal crackers, etc etc other mediums to indulge the chocolate with!

So awesome!

During the present-opening time, I got gifts from all over the country! Some women were unable to attend, but were so thoughtful to prepare a gift from afar and mailed it in to the bridesmaids to bring to the shower!! The bridesmaids took photos of me with each of the guests at the shower, and immediately had them printed in color and hi-res, so that each guest can make a scrapbook page with the photo! At the end, they bound up the book, and I went home with a scrapbook of photos and well-wishes of my friends!

After present opening time, a group of girls sat on the ground, and started using the ribbons and wrapping and tissue papers to fold into paper roses and paper carnations and dandelions. They gathered over a dozen of the paper flowers they made, with the many colorful ribbons (from the balloons and the presents), and made me a fake bouquet! Apparently, that’s the practice bouquet I’m to use during the rehearsal!

Then I saw the 20+ girls from various walks of my life come together in one room, talking, laughing, eating, sharing. It was an amazing feeling! And my bridesmaids, who only met each other because of this wedding, seemed to have become good friends and an amazing team!

I have an all-star team as my bridal party! And the many girls that aren’t bridesmaids, but also wonderful also volunteered to help set up and clean up!

Thank you, ladies! This was awesome!!

And yes, I went home and tried on many of the gifts, and they were all really thoughtful and nice! I feel so loved!! It really makes me understand that idea of a “shower”! It’s like the last time the girl gets to hang out with her good friends, etc etc. And in my case, I’m actually moving away~ so it kinda does feel like a mini farewell party… or a giving-away party… like I’m being lovingly given away by my girl friends! :’( sniff… tears of joy!

Ok, the honeymoon reservations were obvious… but when I think wedding planning, I often think of more the dress, the food, the cake, the bridal party, etc.

So today, at work, I got slammed with 3 very stressful topics. Auto Insurance (I don’t own / drive a car in the city of Philadelphia, thank goodness…), buying a new mattress, and our honeymoon reservations have been paid… twice.

The main reason why it’s stressful is just because I don’t know anything about those 3 things.

I don’t drive a car and we’re about to buy a car for me for when I move to Michigan. I think about the color of the car, the interior, whether or not I can get Sirius XM radio or Navigon, etc etc… But probably the most important thing about buying a car is registering the car and getting it insured (or at least getting yourself covered under some type of auto insurance plan). Now throw in the fact that I’m moving… everything gets more complicated. I’m currently a Pennsylvania resident, planning to buy a car in PA, to drive it up to MI, in order to register and insure it there… (my fiance was the one who reminded me about these other… important details).

As for the mattress situation, we need to buy a new mattress for us after the wedding. We are looking for one that has combined firmness, so one half being soft (for me) and one half being firm (for him). While Mattress Giant carries this (and a good one, might I add, since I have married friends that own it), there is no Mattress Giant in the state of Michigan… and it is unable to deliver this mattress to us. So now we have to look for other similar ones. Except… I’ve learned now, that mattress stores are very similar to used car dealerships, and the salespersons are equal in their shadiness.

I’ve been going online and searching for tips on how to find a mattress. I first get a ton of tips and guides about how NOT to get conned by mattress salespersons. Then I come by a few sites with review forums on all the brands and models of mattresses available. While I understand that there is a high potential that only dissatisfied and angry customers will be proactive and complain about the product, I also wanted to see what the complaints were. This made me more terrified about this now ever-growing daunting task of buying a new mattress.

As for the honeymoon reservations, we have two destination, of the two, one is in Asia. While we have already reserved and put down a deposit, my lovely well-intentioned father texted me to tell me that he helped us reserved our hotel suites for the Asia portion of the honeymoon and has paid everything in FULL. While that’s very thoughtful, I’m sweating cold sweat, because that means we now have two reservations, one half paid, one fully paid. My father says his can’t be refunded (not really sure the exact details…) but he had bought a package, with all-inclusive food and drinks for the stay, as well as massages, etc etc.

So now we need to see if we can get a full refund on our previously paid deposit for that first reservation, and just use the second (father-made) reservation.

Did not think that these things would be the items that stress me out during the work day. Unless of course emails and phone calls and text messages were being sent around DURING the work day…

(Below: pictures of where we are going for our first portion of the honeymoon!)

I’m so excited to move to Michigan, and finally be able to live with my husband after we get married.

But I am so so sad to be leaving Philadelphia. Every time I walk outside on the streets in Center City, I am saddened by the fact that MI cities will no longer be walking cities, large East Coast cities, where people bike and walk everywhere… even in the snow.

When I relax with my girl friends at the outdoor seating areas for restaurants along Rittenhouse Square, I’m saddened by the fact that I have to leave this area, this park with bi-weekly farmers’ markets, dog and art festival, random street performers, child violin prodigies playing Vivaldi’s various Seasons on the corners of Walnut St.

I run errands like a madwoman in Center City. First to the post office, then to the store to return items, stop into the bank, next to CVS to pick up some toiletries, and then stopping into Di Bruno Brothers to pick up some cheese, maybe into Sue’s Produce for some grapes and veggies, and finally the nearby Wine Store for a bottle or two of champagne…. and I’m all walking… within a 2 block radius. I know Detroit and Ann Arbor are both great cities, but none can rival Philadelphia Center City, with all these stores and offices so close to each other.

I’m so excited to finally have a car again, once I move to Michigan. I’m excited I no longer have to shop at Trader Joe’s with a basket, so to be careful I don’t over-buy and kill myself while trying to walk my groceries home. In Michigan, I will have a car, we have decided to buy an SUV. Now I can drive into a Trader Joe’s, park the car, load up a shopping cart FULL of heavy groceries (you know the ones, cans, bottle juices, more canned items, milk, heavy dense meats, fruits and melons …), and then roll this shopping cart to my car… no need to break my back (and arms) while carrying one or two bags of groceries along the streets of Philadelphia.

I’m excited that I’ll have a much bigger apartment that the one I have in Rittenhouse Square… all the while paying much less in Michigan than I am in Philadelphia. I’m excited that I get to redecorate a whole apartment all over again, starting from the furniture down to the wall paintings.

I’m excited to be living amongst a calmer population, more smiling people, and the midwest hospitality.

I am apprehensive of being the weird East Coast driver/walker that zooms around at twice the speed as everyone else in Michigan. I’m worried that I look like a maniac when I talk double the speed than everyone I meet. I’m worried that I come off too straight forward and direct, just trying to communicate, but being misunderstood by Midwesterners.

I’m so excited to be living with my best friend, my husband!, everyday! But I’m sad that I will be losing my entire community of friends and family that I have in Philadelphia. From my entire young adult crazy church community, all of our boardgames, and watching 3 full games of football on any given Sunday (starting up again last Sunday!), going out for beers on a random notice, etc. I will miss my friends from work and from around the city, as we continue to explore and critic new/old restaurants all around Center City (and when we feel “adventurous”, we will actually cross over the Broad St. boundary…)

I miss having a Sephora right across the street from a Victoria’s Secret, that is right across from J Crew and Express, and right next to a Godiva Chocolate. I will miss the little Dollar Tree that is nestled right on Chestnut, next to the H&M, Brooks Brothers, Staples, and Del Frisco Steakhouse.

I guess I will have to start shopping at these large malls in Michigan, not bad, but I think I’ve grown to love the street shopping in Center City. But at least I will have a car in Michigan and can take me to the Outlet malls anytime I want!

I can’t wait to be in Michigan, but I’m so terrified of the day that I will leave Philadelphia…
Am I just a big ironic paradox?! How can I want to leave and not want to leave?!

I currently have 3 friends in Michigan. One is my cousin, 2nd one is my good girlfriend, but she’s in med school and is very busy, and 3rd is my fiance’s friend’s wife, who is currently in law school and lives 1 hour away.

I went with Brian to church this morning, and afterwards there was a farewell potluck for Brian’s small group member, who we are both very familiar with. Sadly, the friend’s girlfriend, who I’ve made friends with a few months back, is also moving away next month. I need to find friends here!

So I started chatting with many of the women in church, they were very nice, fun and pleasant. Not many of these girls are from crazy towns like NYC or LA, but I am learning so much from people who moved from Arkansas or South Carolina, etc etc. To me, Michigan has a much slower pace with mostly friendly human beings occupying this space than in comparison to the East Coast. Much to my surprise, South Carolina girl says that she finds Michigan to be too fast pace and often blunt and rude. !!! How interesting!

I met the ladies at the potluck, and I really like them all! I trade numbers with a few of them. And one girl told me her availability this week. I will be staying in Michigan till Thursday.

I come home and work on some stuff for work. I’m debating, “Should I ask her to hang out via text? Maybe I should facebook her. I wonder if she’s facebooked me yet?”

Finally, I take a break from work, and give her a call. She picks up and says my name! (Yes!! She saved me into her phone!! Score!) I ask her if she’s willing to come out to where I am, since I have no car (nor means of transportation) yet. She says of course. I’m overjoyed. We pick a date and a time. She says to text her our address.

Whew!! I did it! I invited her out, and I’m going to have a girls’ hang out this Tuesday!

I’m so excited and happy! I feel as though…………… I just asked someone out on a date, and they said YES!

Hahhaha, this is a very interesting feeling, considering that we’re both engaged/married women…. And it’s not a date, but maybe a play date? or a hang out?

I guess this is the process of making new friends!